ROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEX

moviefreak · 22 February 2010, 03:21 PM

great story... you are lucky you did not end up like John Bobbit..

ayecarumba · 22 February 2010, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ParisDakarBmw

Am I supposed to throw it in her mouth when she is attacking? I could just see me buying a box of Godiva chocolatiers, and trying to ring her mouth as she charges......I'm waiting for a rabid bear to maul my limbs off, and you suggest tossing candy at her!!

Your wife must be easy going, or you are smart, and take your dog to the groomer!

I'm batting 1000 today, and should do something special I guess.

She needs a new box of cigars!!!!

Well Paul,

When a bear attacks I hear playing dead may work

....I also read a story where a person being chased by a bear dropped a piece of clothing with each step and the bear would stop and tear it up before resuming which allowed them to escape. Could be worth a try!

I've tried grooming our Golden Retriever with similar results...which is why she has an appointment at the groomer on tues!

Seriously, after I drew blood on her quick with the nail clipper I felt so guilty I said this is a job for the professionals!

Just leave the chocolates with a note and you may be able to stand down from DEFCON 1...

If you want to keep us all in further stitches, go ahead and get her a box of Habanos!

ATL Paul

chrislkb · 22 February 2010, 05:11 PM

Bwaa Haaa Haaa.... Paul, you are the man!

I gonna give you a pat on your back for that hard earned cold hard cash man

My colleagues in office are giving me that funny look when I tried to muffled my laughs

Andad · 22 February 2010, 05:12 PM

I'm Scottish but JEEZ mate you need a sound thrashing for that performance.

:

Poor dog, you should be banned just for the nail trim.

I hope the RSPCA read this.

And if piercing the ears on an18 month old baby is not a criminal offence - then it should be.

I waited until my daughter was 5.

chrislkb · 22 February 2010, 05:26 PM

I thought lightning don't strike twice at the same place but for your case you had a tornado running thru u twice!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ParisDakarBmw

Maybe if we lived near Chernobyl. Poor dog does look a bit like a Greyhound now that she mentioned it.

Oh yes! She also took the cash plus some other innocent funds that were sitting in my wallet.

It's something every week like this around here. I also tool my little 1.5 year old girl shopping today. I got her ears pierced. I told my wife after she woke up this afternoon. I didn't know it was a sacred event between Mother and doughter. She is pretty livid over the entire weekend.

I had no idea she would "split a nuetron" twice in one day.

Thank god I go to work tomorrow!

spuds · 22 February 2010, 05:27 PM

SUPERB!!!!

that GMT looks good though mate!!

Atomant · 22 February 2010, 06:11 PM

That's hilarious

Sweramic · 22 February 2010, 06:19 PM

I need a haircut, Paul, can you do it?

Noooo way dude! But thanks for sharing

Cato · 22 February 2010, 06:37 PM

You wear that GMT well!

What kind of wife stands between her husband and his Rolex?

Singslinger · 22 February 2010, 07:03 PM

Great story!

TSW · 22 February 2010, 07:48 PM

Thats so funny Paul!!

speedo · 22 February 2010, 07:49 PM

hilarious!

BASSETHOUNDS · 22 February 2010, 07:55 PM

Well done ! I can see why the wife is pleased . You and bandit will have matching hair do's now !

neillfrith · 22 February 2010, 07:58 PM

not a bad job fella, worth every penny

jdc · 22 February 2010, 08:11 PM

I cannot work out which is more stupid you doing this to a defenceless dog, thinking its funny, or the posters here agreeing with you that its funny

Puffy · 22 February 2010, 08:37 PM

that's the funniest sh*t i've read this year!! haha.

Great shot of the pepsi too!

petesjag · 22 February 2010, 08:41 PM

Thats the best story I have read in months!!!
still laughing.

pete

HL65 · 22 February 2010, 08:54 PM

Psmith · 22 February 2010, 09:10 PM

Great story Paul

I believe the expression is "you're toast"

Cheers

andypandy · 22 February 2010, 09:40 PM

Oh what tangled webs we weave , when we practice to deceive ! Sooooo much grief
to save $75 ! Did I read one time you were an officer of the law ? Are there laws to
deal with Criminal Deception ? Somebody read him his rights ! Sooo bl***y Funny !!

Prince · 22 February 2010, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kyle L

An angry wife is not good Paul...

You just keep that in mind later in life, Grasshopper!!!

Deyn Man · 22 February 2010, 10:21 PM

bwahahahaah!

What we all do to feed tgis addiction! Hahahahaha!

Safetrends · 22 February 2010, 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ParisDakarBmw

I screwed up pretty bad this weekend. I had a new Rolex piggy bank going, and decided to add to it without the wife knowing. It didn't turn out good for me, or my poor dog Bandit.

For starters, I want a used Seadweller 16660, and have been stakcing back lunch money, and things like that for a few months. I saw a golden opportunity to stack $75 in my little rat hole under the table. This is where things went south.

My wife and I have 3 Yorkshire Terriers. It has finally started getting warm again, and the biggest male is Bandit. He started to look like a stray dog, and his fur was not washing well in the bath. I was given "Orders" from my sweet wife. This was to take Bandit to the dog groomer on Saturday, and have his hair trimmed, and nails clipped. He was to get a shampoo, and his ears cleaned. Simple. $65 for the haircut, and a $10 tip. She gave me $75 cash.

My loving wife went to work Saturday afternoon for the evening shift at the hospital. I was getting dressed to take the dog for his trip. As my wife pulled out of the driveway, I slipped into my jogging shorts, and grabbed bandit from his crate. He was rushed to the bathroom where I rolled up the rugs, and plugged in the clippers. I turned on the radio, and after oiling the clippers I sat down with the dog. I had planned to give him a quick trim, shampoo, cut his nails, and pour a little peroxide in his ears, and pocket the $75. I even had the little scarf the groomer puts on the dog so he will look cute when you pick him up.

Things didn't go as planned. I clipped his front nails, and one started to bleed. This got all over me and the bathroom floor. I could clean the floor with bleach, and she still wouldn't know. I started clipping him with no guard, and he fought me the entire time. I had to get scissors to finish the detail work. I put him in the bath, and the entire bathroom smelled of dog. I cleaned his ears fine, but I think my wife might be able to see he didn't go to the groomer after all.

I scrubbed the bathroom, and mopped every inch. I went to sleep, and just figured my wife would forget about it.

I was awoken this morning to an angry pregnant woman yelling about Bandit. She said he looked like he was sick, and I has no business doing that to her dog. Well, you guys can see the pictures. I didn't think it looked that bad!

Notice my ability to follow AKC grooming standards for the breed....

This is great! That poor dog, angry pregnant women are difficult to deal with.

vip4u · 23 February 2010, 01:23 AM

Sounds like the weekend at Bernies movie man LOL

Safetrends · 23 February 2010, 01:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prince

You just keep that in mind later in life, Grasshopper!!!

Allan, that is the best advice for anyone married, keep the wife happy all the time. If you do not, s**t will hit the fan and you are the fan.

Prince · 23 February 2010, 01:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Safetrends

Allan, that is the best advice for anyone married, keep the wife happy all the time. If you do not, s**t will hit the fan and you are the fan.

Indeed, David!

Deep Sea · 23 February 2010, 01:56 AM

Dude....that's funny!

Pissed off, pregnant, and now has a dog that looks like a large, shaved rat.

Safetrends · 23 February 2010, 01:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deep Sea

Dude....that's funny!

Pissed off, pregnant, and now has a dog that looks like a large, shaved rat.

looked like a shaved rat before he gave it a haircut.

ESKO · 23 February 2010, 02:19 AM

Paul,
This is one of the most AWESOME stories I have read in a while. Very cool dogs!
Pregnant wife is the worst type of wife to make mad, and I know!
hahaha
man I feel for you brother, as a fellow man!
Again cool dogs, tough situation, and best of luck on that 16660

ParisDakarBmw · 23 February 2010, 02:20 AM

O.K. I sat down on the couch this morning and got a long lecture from my wife. I just sat there with a serious look on my face, as she recounted the events.

When she recalled the instuctions I knew where this was going. There's no winning this one. I just played dead as she circled the coffee table. I felt like a third grader in the principals office.

Count one on the docket; "sneaking around" her directive to take the dog to have it's haircut. I plead Guilty.

Count two; Embeselment of spousal funds for an unknown reason (She has no idea about the piggy bank, or the Seadweller plans) I plead guilty, but explained I planned to return the money once I had come up with the great idea.

Count three; Carving the dog to look like a whippit. Guilty as hell!

Count Four; Causing her undue stress while pregnant with twins. Guilty plea here too.

Count five; Subjecting our child to getting earrings without consulting the 51% share holder first. Guilty

Count 6; Not considering her to be present when getting her ears pierced. Guilty

Count seven; being a sneaky, weasel, self conceded, cigar smoking, idiot that needs a handler for any unsupervised time. I played dead, and staired at the back door. Bandit was scratching at the door to come back in. It is getting cool at night, and it seems he needed fur a little longer, but I wouldn't know that because I don't think. I guess it was also a guilty plea.

Sentence handed down by the spousal unit general issue 1 each. You will clean the entire house exactly as directed so the twins will have no clue of what happened, and I will correct this behavior before then because she is tired of it. I agreed, and got a kiss on the cheek.

I slid out the door, and got into the car. I made my escape. I was expecting worse, but she did think some of it was funny. I never cracked a grin because I didn't know if she was baiting the conversation for a confirmation that I'm a smart A55.

I think I'll take them out for ice cream tonight. I'm on serious probation right now, and need to play this right. I'd like to get my little hands on a chunk of that tax return for the piggy bank, and that's my next business venture.

Seadweller......Here I come!

22 February 2010, 03:21 PM	#31
moviefreak "TRF" Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: in my house... Posts: 5,524	great story... you are lucky you did not end up like John Bobbit.. __________________ Cheers, Eduardo Be a WIS not a WUSS... and remove all the stickers..

22 February 2010, 05:12 PM	#34
Andad 2025 TitaniumYM Pledge Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Real Name: Eddie Location: Australia Watch: A few. Posts: 38,057	I'm Scottish but JEEZ mate you need a sound thrashing for that performance.: Poor dog, you should be banned just for the nail trim. I hope the RSPCA read this. And if piercing the ears on an18 month old baby is not a criminal offence - then it should be. I waited until my daughter was 5. __________________ E

22 February 2010, 05:27 PM	#36
spuds "TRF" Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Real Name: Dan Location: Essex, UK Watch: West Ham! COYI!! Posts: 7,942	SUPERB!!!! that GMT looks good though mate!! __________________ Onwards & Upwards Rodders...... Onwards & Upwards. Life is not about how fast you can run or how high you can climb........... It's about how well you can bounce!! TRF HALL OF FAME JANUARY 2010

22 February 2010, 06:11 PM	#37
Atomant "TRF" Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Fernwood Posts: 3,455	That's hilarious __________________ 116613LN 16600SD 16610LV 116710 16710 16570 Speedy 3570.50 PAM25 Oris TT1 and a bunch of G-Shocks. Flipped: Daytona 116520 Seamaster 2231.80

22 February 2010, 07:48 PM	#41
TSW "TRF" Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Real Name: TSW Location: Le Brassus Watch: Rolex & AP's Posts: 27,449	Thats so funny Paul!! __________________ AP Owners Club IG @swiss.watch.connection

22 February 2010, 05:11 PM	#33
chrislkb "TRF" Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Real Name: Christopher Location: Singapore Watch: out kiddo! Posts: 1,033	Bwaa Haaa Haaa.... Paul, you are the man! I gonna give you a pat on your back for that hard earned cold hard cash man My colleagues in office are giving me that funny look when I tried to muffled my laughs

22 February 2010, 06:19 PM	#38
Sweramic "TRF" Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Europe Watch: Movies Posts: 4,531	I need a haircut, Paul, can you do it? Noooo way dude! But thanks for sharing

22 February 2010, 06:37 PM	#39
Cato Banned Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Land of the Lost Watch: 116610LN Posts: 2,200	You wear that GMT well! What kind of wife stands between her husband and his Rolex?

22 February 2010, 07:03 PM	#40
Singslinger Banned Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: singapore Posts: 6,469	Great story!

22 February 2010, 07:49 PM	#42
speedo "TRF" Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: bp, hu, eu Watch: dj 16234, 116610ln Posts: 2,376	hilarious!

22 February 2010, 07:55 PM	#43
BASSETHOUNDS Banned Join Date: Oct 2009 Real Name: Tristan Location: GIRONA , SPAIN Watch: 116520/660/710/334 Posts: 7,147	Well done ! I can see why the wife is pleased . You and bandit will have matching hair do's now !

22 February 2010, 07:58 PM	#44
neillfrith "TRF" Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: UK Posts: 219	not a bad job fella, worth every penny

22 February 2010, 08:11 PM	#45
jdc "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Real Name: Martin Location: USA Posts: 7,025	I cannot work out which is more stupid you doing this to a defenceless dog, thinking its funny, or the posters here agreeing with you that its funny

22 February 2010, 08:37 PM	#46
Puffy "TRF" Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Here and there Posts: 12,485	that's the funniest sht i've read this year!! haha. Great shot of the pepsi too! __________________ Fine Quality is Long Remembered After the Pain of Spending Money is Forgotten*

22 February 2010, 08:41 PM	#47
petesjag "TRF" Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: netherlands Posts: 2,177	Thats the best story I have read in months!!! still laughing. pete __________________ 116718LN Black dial

22 February 2010, 08:54 PM	#48
HL65 TRF Moderator & 2025 Titanium Yacht-Master Patron Join Date: Dec 2007 Real Name: Ken Location: SW Florida Watch: One on my wrist. Posts: 64,637	__________________ *SPEM SUCCESSUS ALIT*

22 February 2010, 09:10 PM	#49
Psmith "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Real Name: Clive Location: Exoplanet Watch: spring-driven Posts: 38,855	Great story Paul I believe the expression is "you're toast" Cheers __________________

22 February 2010, 09:40 PM	#50
andypandy "TRF" Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Real Name: Andrew Location: Edinburgh Scotlan Watch: Rolrx GMT Master Posts: 381	Oh what tangled webs we weave , when we practice to deceive ! Sooooo much grief to save $75 ! Did I read one time you were an officer of the law ? Are there laws to deal with Criminal Deception ? Somebody read him his rights ! Sooo bl***y Funny !!

22 February 2010, 10:21 PM	#52
Deyn Man "TRF" Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Real Name: Dean Location: Philippines Posts: 1,037	bwahahahaah! What we all do to feed tgis addiction! Hahahahaha!

23 February 2010, 01:23 AM	#54
vip4u Member Join Date: May 2009 Real Name: Peter Location: Dubai Watch: TUDOR Hydronaut 1 Posts: 44	Sounds like the weekend at Bernies movie man LOL

23 February 2010, 01:56 AM	#57
Deep Sea "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Real Name: Martin Location: NC Watch: A Rolex or two Posts: 952	Dude....that's funny! Pissed off, pregnant, and now has a dog that looks like a large, shaved rat. __________________ Deep Sea A few Rolex & a Tudor Sub An Omega & a bunch of Breitling

23 February 2010, 02:19 AM	#59
ESKO Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Real Name: Luis Location: Afghanistan/Texas Watch: 2012 Milgauss GV Posts: 752	Paul, This is one of the most AWESOME stories I have read in a while. Very cool dogs! Pregnant wife is the worst type of wife to make mad, and I know! hahaha man I feel for you brother, as a fellow man! Again cool dogs, tough situation, and best of luck on that 16660

23 February 2010, 02:20 AM	#60
ParisDakarBmw Banned Join Date: Dec 2009 Real Name: Paul Location: New Haven, CT Watch: 116610 Sub-C Posts: 6,552	O.K. I sat down on the couch this morning and got a long lecture from my wife. I just sat there with a serious look on my face, as she recounted the events. When she recalled the instuctions I knew where this was going. There's no winning this one. I just played dead as she circled the coffee table. I felt like a third grader in the principals office. Count one on the docket; "sneaking around" her directive to take the dog to have it's haircut. I plead Guilty. Count two; Embeselment of spousal funds for an unknown reason (She has no idea about the piggy bank, or the Seadweller plans) I plead guilty, but explained I planned to return the money once I had come up with the great idea. Count three; Carving the dog to look like a whippit. Guilty as hell! Count Four; Causing her undue stress while pregnant with twins. Guilty plea here too. Count five; Subjecting our child to getting earrings without consulting the 51% share holder first. Guilty Count 6; Not considering her to be present when getting her ears pierced. Guilty Count seven; being a sneaky, weasel, self conceded, cigar smoking, idiot that needs a handler for any unsupervised time. I played dead, and staired at the back door. Bandit was scratching at the door to come back in. It is getting cool at night, and it seems he needed fur a little longer, but I wouldn't know that because I don't think. I guess it was also a guilty plea. Sentence handed down by the spousal unit general issue 1 each. You will clean the entire house exactly as directed so the twins will have no clue of what happened, and I will correct this behavior before then because she is tired of it. I agreed, and got a kiss on the cheek. I slid out the door, and got into the car. I made my escape. I was expecting worse, but she did think some of it was funny. I never cracked a grin because I didn't know if she was baiting the conversation for a confirmation that I'm a smart A55. I think I'll take them out for ice cream tonight. I'm on serious probation right now, and need to play this right. I'd like to get my little hands on a chunk of that tax return for the piggy bank, and that's my next business venture. Seadweller......Here I come!

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