My wife's very angry!

[moviefreak]

great story... you are lucky you did not end up like John Bobbit..

[ayecarumba]

Originally Posted by ParisDakarBmw

Am I supposed to throw it in her mouth when she is attacking? I could just see me buying a box of Godiva chocolatiers, and trying to ring her mouth as she charges......I'm waiting for a rabid bear to maul my limbs off, and you suggest tossing candy at her!!

Your wife must be easy going, or you are smart, and take your dog to the groomer!

I'm batting 1000 today, and should do something special I guess.

She needs a new box of cigars!!!!

Well Paul,

When a bear attacks I hear playing dead may work....I also read a story where a person being chased by a bear dropped a piece of clothing with each step and the bear would stop and tear it up before resuming which allowed them to escape. Could be worth a try!

I've tried grooming our Golden Retriever with similar results...which is why she has an appointment at the groomer on tues! Seriously, after I drew blood on her quick with the nail clipper I felt so guilty I said this is a job for the professionals!

Just leave the chocolates with a note and you may be able to stand down from DEFCON 1...

If you want to keep us all in further stitches, go ahead and get her a box of Habanos!


ATL Paul

[chrislkb]

Bwaa Haaa Haaa.... Paul, you are the man! I gonna give you a pat on your back for that hard earned cold hard cash man

My colleagues in office are giving me that funny look when I tried to muffled my laughs

[Andad]

I'm Scottish but JEEZ mate you need a sound thrashing for that performance.:

Poor dog, you should be banned just for the nail trim.

I hope the RSPCA read this.

And if piercing the ears on an18 month old baby is not a criminal offence - then it should be.

I waited until my daughter was 5.

[chrislkb]

I thought lightning don't strike twice at the same place but for your case you had a tornado running thru u twice!

Originally Posted by ParisDakarBmw

Maybe if we lived near Chernobyl. Poor dog does look a bit like a Greyhound now that she mentioned it.

Oh yes! She also took the cash plus some other innocent funds that were sitting in my wallet.

It's something every week like this around here. I also tool my little 1.5 year old girl shopping today. I got her ears pierced. I told my wife after she woke up this afternoon. I didn't know it was a sacred event between Mother and doughter. She is pretty livid over the entire weekend.

I had no idea she would "split a nuetron" twice in one day.

Thank god I go to work tomorrow!

[spuds]

SUPERB!!!!

that GMT looks good though mate!!

[Atomant]

That's hilarious

[Sweramic]

I need a haircut, Paul, can you do it?

Noooo way dude! But thanks for sharing

[Cato]

You wear that GMT well!

What kind of wife stands between her husband and his Rolex?

[Singslinger]

Great story!

[TSW]

Thats so funny Paul!!

[speedo]

hilarious!

[BASSETHOUNDS]

Well done ! I can see why the wife is pleased . You and bandit will have matching hair do's now !

[neillfrith]

not a bad job fella, worth every penny

[jdc]

I cannot work out which is more stupid you doing this to a defenceless dog, thinking its funny, or the posters here agreeing with you that its funny

[Puffy]

that's the funniest sh*t i've read this year!! haha.

Great shot of the pepsi too!

[petesjag]

Thats the best story I have read in months!!!
still laughing.
pete

[HL65]

[Psmith]

Great story Paul


I believe the expression is "you're toast"





Cheers

[andypandy]

Oh what tangled webs we weave , when we practice to deceive ! Sooooo much grief
to save $75 ! Did I read one time you were an officer of the law ? Are there laws to
deal with Criminal Deception ? Somebody read him his rights ! Sooo bl***y Funny !!

[Prince]

Originally Posted by kyle L

An angry wife is not good Paul...

You just keep that in mind later in life, Grasshopper!!!

[Deyn Man]

bwahahahaah!
What we all do to feed tgis addiction! Hahahahaha!

[Safetrends]

Originally Posted by ParisDakarBmw

I screwed up pretty bad this weekend. I had a new Rolex piggy bank going, and decided to add to it without the wife knowing. It didn't turn out good for me, or my poor dog Bandit.

For starters, I want a used Seadweller 16660, and have been stakcing back lunch money, and things like that for a few months. I saw a golden opportunity to stack $75 in my little rat hole under the table. This is where things went south.

My wife and I have 3 Yorkshire Terriers. It has finally started getting warm again, and the biggest male is Bandit. He started to look like a stray dog, and his fur was not washing well in the bath. I was given "Orders" from my sweet wife. This was to take Bandit to the dog groomer on Saturday, and have his hair trimmed, and nails clipped. He was to get a shampoo, and his ears cleaned. Simple. $65 for the haircut, and a $10 tip. She gave me $75 cash.

My loving wife went to work Saturday afternoon for the evening shift at the hospital. I was getting dressed to take the dog for his trip. As my wife pulled out of the driveway, I slipped into my jogging shorts, and grabbed bandit from his crate. He was rushed to the bathroom where I rolled up the rugs, and plugged in the clippers. I turned on the radio, and after oiling the clippers I sat down with the dog. I had planned to give him a quick trim, shampoo, cut his nails, and pour a little peroxide in his ears, and pocket the $75. I even had the little scarf the groomer puts on the dog so he will look cute when you pick him up.

Things didn't go as planned. I clipped his front nails, and one started to bleed. This got all over me and the bathroom floor. I could clean the floor with bleach, and she still wouldn't know. I started clipping him with no guard, and he fought me the entire time. I had to get scissors to finish the detail work. I put him in the bath, and the entire bathroom smelled of dog. I cleaned his ears fine, but I think my wife might be able to see he didn't go to the groomer after all.

I scrubbed the bathroom, and mopped every inch. I went to sleep, and just figured my wife would forget about it.

I was awoken this morning to an angry pregnant woman yelling about Bandit. She said he looked like he was sick, and I has no business doing that to her dog. Well, you guys can see the pictures. I didn't think it looked that bad!

Notice my ability to follow AKC grooming standards for the breed....

This is great! That poor dog, angry pregnant women are difficult to deal with.

[vip4u]

Sounds like the weekend at Bernies movie man LOL

[Safetrends]

Originally Posted by Prince

You just keep that in mind later in life, Grasshopper!!!

Allan, that is the best advice for anyone married, keep the wife happy all the time. If you do not, s**t will hit the fan and you are the fan.

[Prince]

Originally Posted by Safetrends

Allan, that is the best advice for anyone married, keep the wife happy all the time. If you do not, s**t will hit the fan and you are the fan.

Indeed, David!

[Deep Sea]

Dude....that's funny!

Pissed off, pregnant, and now has a dog that looks like a large, shaved rat.

[Safetrends]

Originally Posted by Deep Sea

Dude....that's funny!

Pissed off, pregnant, and now has a dog that looks like a large, shaved rat.

looked like a shaved rat before he gave it a haircut.

[ESKO]

Paul,
This is one of the most AWESOME stories I have read in a while. Very cool dogs!
Pregnant wife is the worst type of wife to make mad, and I know!
hahaha
man I feel for you brother, as a fellow man!
Again cool dogs, tough situation, and best of luck on that 16660

[ParisDakarBmw]

O.K. I sat down on the couch this morning and got a long lecture from my wife. I just sat there with a serious look on my face, as she recounted the events.

When she recalled the instuctions I knew where this was going. There's no winning this one. I just played dead as she circled the coffee table. I felt like a third grader in the principals office.

Count one on the docket; "sneaking around" her directive to take the dog to have it's haircut. I plead Guilty.

Count two; Embeselment of spousal funds for an unknown reason (She has no idea about the piggy bank, or the Seadweller plans) I plead guilty, but explained I planned to return the money once I had come up with the great idea.

Count three; Carving the dog to look like a whippit. Guilty as hell!

Count Four; Causing her undue stress while pregnant with twins. Guilty plea here too.

Count five; Subjecting our child to getting earrings without consulting the 51% share holder first. Guilty

Count 6; Not considering her to be present when getting her ears pierced. Guilty

Count seven; being a sneaky, weasel, self conceded, cigar smoking, idiot that needs a handler for any unsupervised time. I played dead, and staired at the back door. Bandit was scratching at the door to come back in. It is getting cool at night, and it seems he needed fur a little longer, but I wouldn't know that because I don't think. I guess it was also a guilty plea.

Sentence handed down by the spousal unit general issue 1 each. You will clean the entire house exactly as directed so the twins will have no clue of what happened, and I will correct this behavior before then because she is tired of it. I agreed, and got a kiss on the cheek.

I slid out the door, and got into the car. I made my escape. I was expecting worse, but she did think some of it was funny. I never cracked a grin because I didn't know if she was baiting the conversation for a confirmation that I'm a smart A55.

I think I'll take them out for ice cream tonight. I'm on serious probation right now, and need to play this right. I'd like to get my little hands on a chunk of that tax return for the piggy bank, and that's my next business venture.

Seadweller......Here I come!