Open Letter to Rolex

[RHIII]

Originally Posted by randomguy

Imagine if food stores started to restrict product to the masses. I guess someone would write an open letter about that, but over a course of many replies, the open letter is held out to be sarcasm.

I'm laughing now also, good one OP.

If my grocery bill gets close to my watch bill....I've got a big problem.

[Chiboy]

Originally Posted by RHIII

If my grocery bill gets close to my watch bill....I've got a big problem.

It does seem that some on here shop for both with equal frequency.

[HKEd]

Nice one Vince! Best post I've read in a while and some of the responses are 'funny' too :)

[MinMay]

Is this Fake news?

[No SUBctitute]

Originally Posted by 123Blueface

Deleted.
Addressed by Mod.

I prefer it when you leave these up so we know precisely what gets us on the sh!t list.

[randomguy]

Originally Posted by Token74

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Yep, no one does tongue and cheek better than a Brit. I oughta know, I grew up in it.

[pilotjim]

What's really funny is that the OP confirmed that the whole thing was tongue in cheek on the first page (post 17), and people still don't get that it's sarcasm.

[arosado]

Long letter ... time will tell the effectiveness of the message.

[HL65]

Originally Posted by arosado

Long letter ... time will tell the effectiveness of the message.

It was effective the second I read it!

[DLRIDES]

Too whiny, DNR.

[MonBK]

Originally Posted by pilotjim

What's really funny is that the OP confirmed that the whole thing was tongue in cheek on the first page (post 17), and people still don't get that it's sarcasm.

What shall we do about this?

Can we dip them in hot tar and feather them?

[dnpina]

I actually checked in on the forum this morning to read the latest whining complaint. Being greeted with the OP's incredible humor was even better. Thank you V

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[Token74]

Originally Posted by HL65

It was effective the second I read it!

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[zaratsu]

Whilst the offended responses are funny, I think the dumbest things happening here are the ignorant 1 line responses from people who clearly haven't read the thread nor the original post, yet still feel the need to add their expert "contribution".

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[GradyPhilpott]

Originally Posted by Token74

To whom it may concern

We feel compelled to inform you of our many frustrations and I ask you to give this your immediate attention. We are a patient and good humoured bunch but you are pushing us to our limits. Our complaints are many but in this open letter we will try to limit them to those that require urgent redress.

[...]

I think it's a well-written piece of satire.

It pokes fun not only at Rolex, but also us, the ever-demanding, insatiably enthusiastic, but never quite satisfied.

[Tonster]

Originally Posted by Token74

To whom it may concern

We feel compelled to inform you of our many frustrations and I ask you to give this your immediate attention. We are a patient and good humoured bunch but you are pushing us to our limits. Our complaints are many but in this open letter we will try to limit them to those that require urgent redress.

May we start by pointing out that we are your customers, and without us you have nothing, you effectively work for us and you should not forget that. You need us, and your primary focus each and every day should be keeping us happy; you are not there to make money, you are there to serve.

Let me please start with the lack of availability of the watches we so desperately want, it is simply not acceptable. We need you to realise that if we want a watch, then we are entitled to have it! Who on earth do you think you are to decide whether or not we can have one of your watches? You have a basic mandate to provide enough watches for each and every one of us, failure to do this is clear dereliction of duty and cannot be tolerated any longer, we implore you to immediately build more facilities so that you can increase production to satisfy our needs. We recognise that the Swiss watch industry is facing a slightly uncertain future based on the potentially destabilising impact of the introduction of smart watches, and as a result we recognise that increasing production through facility growth could be a risky strategy, but frankly we would refer you to the earlier point, you are here to serve us and not to be a commercial success.

Following on from the lack of availability, we need you to focus all your energies on abolishing waiting times; we have worked hard for our wealth and we have the basic human right of immediacy. We recognise that it is hard to predict demand and as such this presents a challenge, but the solution really is very simple once you realise that you do not exist to make money. Simply produce more than you believe you will need, accept the potential wastage, and the margin degradation as a result should not really present an issue given that you are a not-for-profit organisation. We will not wait, we must not wait.

Talking of waiting lists brings us neatly on to our next complaint; why is it that loyal customers receive a differentiated service from your network of authorised dealers? Surely we are all equal and deserve to be treated as such, and surely you have full control over your dealer network to ensure they too recognise the need to exist for our benefit and not their own. We do of course recognise that many authorised dealers are dependent on having a core of loyal customers and there is a temptation to treat those that keep their business alive slightly better, but this is not our problem and this temptation must be resisted. The level of selfishness demonstrated by you and your partner network is simply astonishing, we really don’t believe you have your priorities right.

Whilst we are on the subject of lists, we have several members that feel that the management of lists is underhand and a shameful disgrace. We appreciate that it may take some time to increase production numbers so that you can more adequately serve us, despite our need demand for immediacy, so if lists are a necessary evil in the meantime then please at least ensure they are managed more appropriately. We demand that when a customer is placed on a list, then their place on the list is honoured in all circumstances. Of course, I should point out that we retain the right to place ourselves on lists with as many dealers as we wish and once we have our prized procession, we are fully entitled to remove ourselves from other lists we may be on. We do appreciate that may appear one-sided, but I urge you to remember that it is about us, and not about you.

We really must talk about stickers. We have bought those stickers and it is our right to keep them on the watch if we so wish. We recognise that car dealers remove the protective film on cars before we take delivery, but we have paid for the stickers and we must retain the right to keep them on the watch. We appreciate that you are concerned we might then flip the watch for an immediate profit, but this is our right, you do not own us and cannot tell us what we can or can’t do with a watch once we have bought it from you. And talking of flipping watches for a profit, you must take some measures to stop people doing this.

One of the areas I don’t think you are acknowledging is that we are remaining loyal to you despite you launching watches that we don’t want! We told you that we wanted a Coke on a Jubilee, we couldn’t have been clearer about that, and yet you decided to launch a Pepsi on the Jubilee! How dare you! We recognise that you may have got confused because we complained previously that the Pepsi wasn’t available in Stainless Steel form, but you surely must have realised that we would change our mind about this complaint once you actually launched the Pepsi on Stainless Steel. And as for that Jubilee bracelet, well frankly we prefer the Oyster. And as for that Sea Dweller you launched in 2014, how could you think that launching that in 40mm was ever a good idea? We recognise that we are very much liking the 39mm Tudor, but please don’t be confused, when it comes to Rolex it needs to be big and have more presence, otherwise who is going to notice that we’re wearing a Rolex? And the Daytona Ceramic that you launched a couple of years ago, that was just pure laziness! All you did was change the bezel! We appreciate that it is hard to please everyone, but for goodness sake, all you need to do is make every watch in every size so that we can all have exactly what we want, it really isn’t that hard.

Our final complaint for today, is your pricing. We know that your watches are a lot cheaper than Audemars Piguet and Patek Philippe, and we know that far lesser watches such as Bremont now sell for similar money to Rolex sports watches, but we once again refer you to our earlier point that you are there to serve us, and not for your own commercial success. We demand a price reduction.

So to summarise, we don’t like your watches and need you to start giving us what we ask for. We need you to increase supply so that lists can be eradicated and so that we can all have whatever watch we want, whenever we want it. Furthermore, we need you to reduce prices so that it is affordable for all and also for you to make every watch in every size so that all of us are perfectly catered for. Please can you ensure that whilst doing this, you maintain the level of required quality and also ensure a level of exclusivity so that we can be differentiated in our social circles.

You need to raise your game Rolex, you are on thin ice.

Best regards.

[GradyPhilpott]

Originally Posted by houls61

“Immediacy” is a human right? Apparently I missed that one in the Bill of Rights

He's British.

[artschool]

what happens in Rolex read this and reduce production in a retaliatory measure?

I really don't think the OP has thought this through.

However I do agree that Rolex needs to recognise the basic human right of immediacy.

[gsg]

That was funny! obviously, some people here are lacking a sense of humor

[indigo993]

[Aventura]

Originally Posted by monbk

why do you speak in "we" form?

I don't agree at all.

1000% agree!!!!!

[Aventura]

I guess this letter is a joke is not it? If it is not the most absurd thing I read in my life.

[GradyPhilpott]

Originally Posted by Aventura

I guess this letter is a joke is not it? If it is not the most absurd thing I read in my life.

The letter is satire and a very good example, I might add.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/satire

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satire

[mobster600]

Dear Rolex,

What he said.


PS. When are you going to make clear case backs???

[Steerpike999]

First World problems!

[DahMan]

Yikes.....

[Token74]

Originally Posted by GradyPhilpott

The letter is satire and a very good example, I might add.



https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/satire



https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satire

Very kind


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[mmmmp]

Originally Posted by directioneng

I couldn't read through all that so Rolex probably won't.........

Me neither. The 'tone' is enough to put anyone off. And, I don't agree either.

M

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[mmmmp]

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[asiparks]

WOW! Fantastic !
latecomer to this so I had the bonus enjoyment of reading comments by those that either completely failed to get it or, even funnier, were actually offended...


bravo Sir !