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Lisa · 23 April 2009, 04:06 AM

I'm here, too. Speaking of anxiety.... I really need some parenting advice, guys!

Here's the deal: each year, the entire third grade glass at my kids' school goes on a 3 day, 2 night field trip to a campsite about 2 hours away. It's been a tradition since the school's inception in 1963. I'm told that no child has ever not wanted to go, and there is every expectation that every third grader does go. It is a Big Deal and the highlight of third grade.

Well, guess who doesn't want to do this? My 9 year old. For the past year she has worried about this camp, because she doesn't want to be away from mom and dad. There are a number of parents going as chaperones, but not me or Dave. This fear of being apart brought her to tears whenever we discussed the matter. So, okay, although I feel the school placed considerable pressure on Phoebe, Dave and me to require her to go, I resisted because I felt that whatever was causing her anxiety wouldn't be go away if we forced her to do this. It would probably make it worse. So Dave and I talked it over, we talked it over with his parents and his sister (who teaches 3rd grade at another school) and not one of us felt it was the right thing to make her go.

However, unknown to me, this past week her teachers and classmates apparently were making her feel so pressured to attend that she told them she WOULD, and that she had changed her mind. She was just desperate for everyone to leave her alone. However, I didn't know she had decided to let the school think she had agreed to go. She shared none of this with me!

I called her teacher yesterday afternoon to ask if there was any work I could pick up for Phoebe to do while the kids were at the camp. This was how the school found out Phoebe wasn't going. Her cabin arrangements had been made, all her paperwork filled out.... so, we both had some explaining to do and both finally figured everything out.

So, today, the bus left without Phoebe. The school wants me to set up an appointment with the school psychologist. I sort of think eveyone needs to just leave her alone. Though I haven't told her this, personally I'm a little surprised no other 9 year old in the school's history has been afraid to go on the trip. It doesn't seem that abnormal to me.

Any words of wisdom?

23 April 2009, 04:06 AM	#6053
Lisa "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: oklahoma city Posts: 15,741	I'm here, too. Speaking of anxiety.... I really need some parenting advice, guys! Here's the deal: each year, the entire third grade glass at my kids' school goes on a 3 day, 2 night field trip to a campsite about 2 hours away. It's been a tradition since the school's inception in 1963. I'm told that no child has ever not wanted to go, and there is every expectation that every third grader does go. It is a Big Deal and the highlight of third grade. Well, guess who doesn't want to do this? My 9 year old. For the past year she has worried about this camp, because she doesn't want to be away from mom and dad. There are a number of parents going as chaperones, but not me or Dave. This fear of being apart brought her to tears whenever we discussed the matter. So, okay, although I feel the school placed considerable pressure on Phoebe, Dave and me to require her to go, I resisted because I felt that whatever was causing her anxiety wouldn't be go away if we forced her to do this. It would probably make it worse. So Dave and I talked it over, we talked it over with his parents and his sister (who teaches 3rd grade at another school) and not one of us felt it was the right thing to make her go. However, unknown to me, this past week her teachers and classmates apparently were making her feel so pressured to attend that she told them she WOULD, and that she had changed her mind. She was just desperate for everyone to leave her alone. However, I didn't know she had decided to let the school think she had agreed to go. She shared none of this with me! I called her teacher yesterday afternoon to ask if there was any work I could pick up for Phoebe to do while the kids were at the camp. This was how the school found out Phoebe wasn't going. Her cabin arrangements had been made, all her paperwork filled out.... so, we both had some explaining to do and both finally figured everything out. So, today, the bus left without Phoebe. The school wants me to set up an appointment with the school psychologist. I sort of think eveyone needs to just leave her alone. Though I haven't told her this, personally I'm a little surprised no other 9 year old in the school's history has been afraid to go on the trip. It doesn't seem that abnormal to me. Any words of wisdom?