An Englishman moves to Scotland......

[Leasky]

An Englishman moves to the Scottish Highlands and buys a lovely cottage on the side of a remote mountain.

He has been there for several weeks and has met no-one.

One day there is a loud knock on his door and he opens it to find a huge, hairy, kilt wearing, monster of a man glaring at him with wild eyes.

The Scotsman announces:- "Hello, I'm Hamish; and I live over the back of the hill and I am here to invite you to a party at my house on Friday night at 7pm".

The Englishman replies:- "Well thank you so very much Hamish; that should be lovely. I have been here for weeks and met no-one. It should be the perfect oppertunity".

"Aye, anyhow, I had better warn you that there will be a lot of hard drinking" Says Hamish.

"Oh, thats ok but I am not really a big drinker - a Malibue and Pineapple or an Advocat will be fine for me". Replies the Englishman.

"And then there will be heated discussions that will lead to arguements". Says Hamish

"Well, I dont mind the occasional informed discussion Hamish; you know, Politics, religion and that kind of thing". Replies the Englishman.

"And then there will be fighting". Says Hamish.

"Well, I am not really a violent man and I have never had a fight in my life". Says the Englishman.

"And then there will be dirty, hard, rough, violent sex". Says Hamish.

"Well, it has been a while - I will just have to see how that goes Hamish but it all sounds very nice. What is the Dress-code to be? What is everyone wearing?" Enquires the Englishman.

"Doesnt matter a f#ck". Says Hamish. "Its just going to be me and you there!!"