Helicopter Parenting....whatcha think?

[Blansky]

As I've written before...back in my day...yada yada yada, we were pretty much left to our own devices from a pretty early age. Of course we had homework, and usually one sport a season, and maybe piano lessons, but on a Saturday or Sunday, we left the house at 9 in the morning and had to be back by dinner/supper time.

We had no idea that today we would be called feral.

That is definitely not the case now and in 1 to 2 generations we have moved to where everything is planned out, kids coddled, made the center of attention, etc etc...whatcha think??

Here's a couple of articles...

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/15/o...-ignoring.html

https://www.healthline.com/health/pa...pter-parenting

[pickettt]

Our parents would probably be arrested today for the neglect we experienced. BUT…that’s why we’re self sufficient and successful today. I wouldn’t have it any other way (as if I had a choice.)

[SDGT3]

As Gen Xers, we were called latchkey kids. Self sufficient, get on with it, rub dirt on it types. Generally speaking we're not easily offended by everything like others seem to be and/or sensitive to what is said by a stranger in social media. Motto: "It is what it is."

[brandrea]

Originally Posted by SDGT3

As Gen Xers, we were called latchkey kids. Self sufficient, get on with it, rub dirt on it types. Generally speaking we're not easily offended by everything like others seem to be and/or sensitive to what is said by a stranger in social media. Motto: "It is what it is."

Yep pretty much sums it up Gen X here … we survived a lot





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[MichelleP]

Originally Posted by brandrea

Yep pretty much sums it up Gen X here … we survived a lot





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I used to lay in the back window of my moms car

[MichelleP]

I did the same on the weekends. After Saturday morning cartoons and lunch, we left the house riding our bikes or paying in the canyons (grew up in San Diego) or just roaming the neighborhood. Just had to be back by dinner.
I rarely wore shoes in the summer either.

[brandrea]

Originally Posted by MichelleP

I used to lay in the back window of my moms car

We did too


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[Exceeder]

gen x baby, we used to catch lawn darts

[derekhayden]

Lets not even mention we didn't have phones or wearable trackers. Our parents had no clue where we were and what we were doing.....which in my case was probably for the best.

[hambone1983]

kids find means of escaping adult/parental supervision, even if every activity outside the home is chaperoned, coached, supervised, taught and guided. They do it online. I volunteer in a teen program so believe it when I say that they have an instagram account for public consumption and another private one that parents never see. They've completely abandoned facebook for "being for old people" and very much prefer snapchat for racier stuff because the content disappears

[BraveBold]

Kids need to be kids. Play and have fun.

Supervision is often required (especially below a certain age) but so is freedom.

Helicopter parenting is less a problem than mission control parenting. Where everything is planned, scripted and monitored for accomplishing some pre-ordained mission. Usually the parent’s own goals, transposed or projected onto their kids.

My kid’s kindergarten class sent home a page asking for parents’ goals for their kids for the year. Ours barely took up any of the allotted space and was simply “have fun and be safe”…

[East Bay Rider]

Looking back it seems like the only meaningful interaction with my parents was getting chores or punished. At supper we'd tell about our day. They really had no idea what a day's plans were, only what had already happened. All they really cared about was that we didn't leave a mess, make a lot of noise, need a ride or money, or get reported for screwing up by school other parents. Otherwise we didn't really have to ask permission to go fishing or exploring. Looking back there no way they knew the right trails to even get to where my friends and I were, if we'd have ever needed help. But then again if we'd have ever needed help that would've just proven that we weren't ready for our freedoms and we have likely been grounded for bothering them. It was in everyone's best interests to become capable and confident. If we got caught smoking or lying there was hell to pay but otherwise as long as the supper story was a positive one and we did our chores, they felt like they were doing their job by keeping us fed and out of the elements.

When I grew up and had a kid, I learned that there is a little bit more to parenting than that. It must have worked because I have a better relationship with my (now grown) child than my parents.
Cats in the cradle indeed.

[gamingdoctor]

Nothing happens without a reason. There's a reason helicopter parents....helicopter.

[2ltdjorn]

I sat across from a woman who was proudly gloating that her child had been accepted to an ophthalmology program, after she wrote application and the essay required for admission.

That pretty much sums it up.

[pickettt]

I know you all won't believe this, but I took my son out of private school so he could experience and navigate some proper public school dust ups.

[Blansky]

Originally Posted by pickettt

I know you all won't believe this, but I took my son out of private school so he could experience and navigate some proper public school dust ups.

In private school don’t they just challenge their adversaries to a duel.?

[pickettt]

Originally Posted by Blansky

In private school don’t they just challenge their adversaries to a duel.?

Nope. Emerson, Aiden, nor Mason were prepared to get their cardigans dirty.

[enjoythemusic]

Thank goodness in many homes both parents have to work just to survive. It is double-good i tell ya it is as it makes the kids fend for themselves.

[Speedbird-1]

Originally Posted by pickettt

Nope. Emerson, Aiden, nor Mason were prepared to get their cardigans dirty.

[Speedbird-1]

Originally Posted by pickettt

I know you all won't believe this, but I took my son out of private school so he could experience and navigate some proper public school dust ups.

"I was at school with his brother Bufty. Tremendous bloke. He was head of my house. Buggered me senseless. Still, it taught me a thing or two, about life."

(4 weddings....hotel scene.)

[fozzyf18]

Originally Posted by pickettt

I know you all won't believe this, but I took my son out of private school so he could experience and navigate some proper public school dust ups.

I absolutely believe this. My parents did the same thing in the late 80s. Lawn darts, back deck of the car, rubbing dirt on a flesh wound, riding Chicago public transportation anywhere for $0.25 solo, definitely my childhood.

Just be home when the streetlights come on. And we pushed that one as well. I don't think that works, or is advisable, anymore. I wouldn't blame the parents or kids, just the way things have progressed.

[pickettt]

Originally Posted by fozzyf18

I absolutely believe this. My parents did the same thing in the late 80s. Lawn darts, back deck of the car, rubbing dirt on a flesh wound, riding Chicago public transportation anywhere for $0.25 solo, definitely my childhood.

Just be home when the streetlights come on. And we pushed that one as well. I don't think that works, or is advisable, anymore. I wouldn't blame the parents or kids, just the way things have progressed.

Not progressed, but rather, changed.

[77T]

So much of today's behavior seems to be a projection of yesteryear's missed opportunities by those who are hovering over their kids.

Imagine how those who are overly involved, controlling, and intrusive will closely supervise the grandkid’s activities and decisions.

Freedom to fail for kids in the parenting model does help build stronger decision makers - but it's a false choice when some esoteric wonk among the helo's choose to SWAT you.

Glad to know how many of you survived the last half of the 20th Century!


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[BLACKHORSE 6]

My 6 year old plays with a group of boys from the neighborhood. They move between all our backyards and the creek that runs behind our subdivision like a marauding band of pirates that raid refrigerators for snacks at will. He always comes home dirty, usually with a new stick that served as a lightsaber on their latest adventure. Last week he came home with a frog in a jar that he had acquired from somewhere because he and his buddy next door wanted to put it in our yard and watch it eat bugs. Basically doing exactly what 6 and 7 year old boys should be doing.

My wife and I feel that limiting screen time for our kids has been one of the best things we’ve done. Can see a huge difference with them after making that change.

[Blansky]

Growing up feral in the 50s and 60s I watched some of that "progression" taking place.

1. The news media.....people read the paper and watched the news at maybe 6 and 10PM back then, and other than that what went on in the world was just out there somewhere else. But soon other people's news started to become our news. Some kid gets kidnapped in NY and now it feels like it's next door.

The news media has always cashed in on FEAR. Human beings number one motivating emotion. They learned how to make everything about fear, and to keep ears and eyes on the medium, they use fear to keep them coming back. Essentially addicting them to the media.

2. The whole, missing kids pictures on the milk cartons.....I think that 95% of that was actually parental abductions of custody battle losses. Not random kids. More fear.

3. Mothers working outside the home so there were empty homes when kids were done school, leading to more programs to "babysit them".

4. The need for families to push their kids to the "best" kindergartens all the way to colleges, so they had to be supervised 24/7 to excel.

As others have said this has probably created a more fearful and less confident person as they grow up.

[Maleg]

Originally Posted by Blansky

Growing up feral in the 50s and 60s I watched some of that "progression" taking place.

1. The news media.....people read the paper and watched the news at maybe 6 and 10PM back then, and other than that what went on in the world was just out there somewhere else. But soon other people's news started to become our news. Some kid gets kidnapped in NY and now it feels like it's next door.

The news media has always cashed in on FEAR. Human beings number one motivating emotion. They learned how to make everything about fear, and to keep ears and eyes on the medium, they use fear to keep them coming back. Essentially addicting them to the media.

2. The whole, missing kids pictures on the milk cartons.....I think that 95% of that was actually parental abductions of custody battle losses. Not random kids. More fear.

3. Mothers working outside the home so there were empty homes when kids were done school, leading to more programs to "babysit them".

4. The need for families to push their kids to the "best" kindergartens all the way to colleges, so they had to be supervised 24/7 to excel.

As others have said this has probably created a more fearful and less confident person as they grow up.

It's not progression, that implies progress, which is improvement. It's just different now than when we were kids.

We went out to play. We didn't have structured play time prescibed by pseudoscience to achieve artificial childhood goals that would somehow prepare us to be overachieving adults.

We also weren't exposed to all the evils of the world kids today get through media. A ten year old with an iPad can learn how to murder the kid he hates at school. We never had that. We would solve the problem in a schoolyard fight, shake hands, and walk away.

Each generation of parents after ours has relied more on third party services and apps to coparent their kids. Parents are right to be fearful. But where our parents would invest more of their time to ensure we were on the right path, parents today invest more into devices, streaming services, and "experts" to get their kids right. I wonder if at some point kids will see their parents as service providers rather than the guardians of their destiny.

[Blansky]

Originally Posted by Maleg

It's not progression, that implies progress, which is improvement. It's just different now than when we were kids.

The definition of progression is advancing forward, as does the word progress.

We've somehow connotatively changed to meaning to mean "better" or improvement.

[ERH]

On Sundays during the summer we went to the lake shore. My father had an old Ford. The picnic basket in the trunk, my mother up front with my father, us six boys in the back seat, three seated, three standing leaning on the front seat. On the way back, we switched sitting. The argument was more about who got the window.

No seatbelts, no air conditioning, AM radio. Sweet memories, of long ago days growing up.

[KatGirl]

To hear my kids talk of their childhoods, you’d think they had no parents. We let them explore, but did teach them about stranger danger, and common sense safety precautions. I could always find them when needed, if they were outside. So, I definitely was not a helicopter Mom. When it was time for them to leave the nest, I was not sad or upset in anyway. We need to allow our children to become independent, and equip them to be successful adults. They all (4) turned out great and are good parents, themselves.

Kat


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[pickettt]

Originally Posted by katgirl

to hear my kids talk of their childhoods, you’d think they had no parents. We let them explore, but did teach them about stranger danger, and common sense safety precautions. I could always find them when needed, if they were outside. So, i definitely was not a helicopter mom. When it was time for them to leave the nest, i was not sad or upset in anyway. We need to allow our children to become independent, and equip them to be successful adults. They all (4) turned out great and are good parents, themselves.

Kat


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