Mental Hospital Phone Menu

[T5AUS]

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for
you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want,
stay on the line so we can trace
your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded
to the
Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice
will tell
you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number
you press, nothing will make you happy anyway .

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or
before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9. If you
have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are
too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the
fan, lie down and cry. You won't be
crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess
it up.

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.
You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one
unstable person to show you care.

Well, my job is done ....Your turn