Essex girls (some more from Nina!!)

[JJ Irani]

Essex Girls
> An Essex girl goes to the council to register for
> child benefit."How many
> children?" asks the council worker. "10" replies the
> Essex girl."10?" says
> the council worker. "What are their names?" "Wayne,
> Wayne, Wayne, Wayne,
> Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne."
> "Doesn't that get confusing?"
> "Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if
> they are out playing in
> the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S
> READY, or WAAYNE GO TO
> BED NOW and they all do it..." "What if you want to
> speak to one
> individually?" says the perturbed council
> worker."That's easy," says the
> Essex girl... "I just use their surnames."
>
> An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She
> places a garment on
> the counter."I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick
> up my dress." she
> says."Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his
> ear."No" she replies."This
> time it's mayonnaise."
>
> An Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a
> vibrator.The man says "Choose
> from our range on the wall." She says "I'll take the
> red one."The man
> replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
>
> An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and
> is trapped and
> bleeding.The paramedics soon arrive on site.Medic:
> "It's OK I'm a paramedic
> and I'm going to ask you some questions?" Girl: "OK"
> Medic: "What's your
> name?" Girl: "Sharon."Medic: "OK Sharon, is this
> your car?"Sharon:
> "Yes."Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?" Sharon:
> "Romford, mate."
>
> Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash;
> there's>Blood
> everywhere.The paramedics arrive and drag the girl
> out of the car till
> she's lying flat out on the floor.Medic: "OK, I'm
> going to check if you're
> concussed."Sharon: "Ok."Medic: "How many fingers am
> I putting up?" Sharon:
> "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
>
> An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the
> Essex Girl notices
> something strange about the wellies the Irish guy
> is> > wearing.She says,
> "Scuse me mate, I aint being funny or nuffink, but
> why doz one of your
> wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R
> on it?" The Irish guy
> smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and
> replies,"Well, oim little bit
> tick you see. The one wit the R on it is for me
> roight foot and the one wit
> the L is for me Left foot" "Cor blimey, exclaims the
> Essex girl, "So THATS
> why me knickers'ave got C& A on them!"
>
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