Some Jokes

[mailman]

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,
>marriage, and
>
> >values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got
>married, did
>
> >you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"
>
> >
>
> >2. A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did
>all of my
>
> >intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well son, you must
>have got
>
> >it from your mother, because I still have mine"
>
> >
>
> >3. "Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the
>divorce court
>
> >Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"
>"That's very
>
> >fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll
>try to
>
> >send her a few bucks myself."
>
> >
>
> >4. A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I
>don't
>
> >like the looks of your wife at all." "Me neither, doc," said the
>husband.
>
> >"But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."
>
> >
>
> >5. An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a
>curse he
>
> >has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says,
>"Maybe, but
>
> >you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the
>curse on
>
> >you. The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man
>and
>
> >wife."
>
> >
>
> >6. Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >1. All the DNA is the same.
>
> >2. There are no dental records.
>
> >
>
> >7. A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how
>long it'll
>
> >take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent
>replies, "Just
>
> >a minute..." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
>
> >
>
> >8. Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan
>Gonzalez.
>
> >"How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the
>other
>
> >detective replied. "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" "I don't know.
>
> >But it sure made a hole in Juan."
>
> >
>
> >9. The investigation of Martha Stewart continues. Her recipe for
>chicken
>
> >casserole is quite efficient. First you boil the chicken in water.
>And then
>
> >you dump the stock.
>
> >
>
> >10. This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a
>blonde
>
> >wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity
>gets! the
>
> >best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those
>pants?"
>
> >The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start
>by
>
> >buying me a drink."
>
> >
>
> >11. Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion." Joe: "Really?"
>Moe:
>
> >"Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
>
> >
>
> >12. A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is
>
> >feeling. "I'm O K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the
>doctor used
>
> >in surgery," he answered. "What did he say?" asked the nurse.
>"OOPS!"
>
> >
>
> >13. While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a
>display
>
> >of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds
>since I
>
> >had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's
>advice.
>
> > "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an
>all-in-one?"
>
> >"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
>
> >
>
> >14. Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and
>honked the
>
> >horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
>He said,
>
> >"I did that by accident." She replied, "I know that, Grandpa." He
>replied,
>
> >"How did you know?" She said, "Because you didn't say 'asshole'
>
> >afterwards."
>
>