Dear Doctor.

[padi56]

Dear Doctor.

I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile...

My reasons are various. But after being married for 5 years, and my wife having 5 children, I have now come to the conclusion that contraceptives are totally useless!

When I got married, I was advised to use the "Rhythm Method", but despite trying the Tango and the Samba, my wife fell pregnant and I ruptured myself doing the Cha Cha.

Later the doctor suggested using the "Safe Period". At this time we were living with our in-laws, and had to wait three weeks for a safe period when the house was empty.....Needless to say, this didn't work either...

I asked a chemist about a "Sheath", The chemist demonstrated how easy it was to use, so I bought a packet. Again my wife fell pregnant, which doesn't surprise me, as I fail to see howone of those things stretched over my thumb as the chemist showed me, would prevent babies.

Then my wife was supplied with a "Coil", and after several hours of trying to fit it, we realised she had been given a left hand thread, and my wife is definitley a right hand screw......

The "Dutch Cap" came next. We were very hopeful of this, as it didn't interfere with our sex life at all, but unfortunately it gave my wife severe headaches. We specially asked for the largest size available-but it was still too tight across her forehead.

Finally we tried the "Pill". At first it kept falling out, then we realised we doing it wrong. My wife started crossing her legs, thus preventing me getting anywhere near her. This worked for awhile until the night she had cramp-and I didn't......

You must appreciate my problem, Doctor. If this operation is not possible I will have to resort to Oral sex, although I don't think just talking about it can be a substitute for the real thing!