Tourette's Syndrome.

[padi56]

Warning Adult Reading.

An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the
streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dean
Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted
for evening performances'.

'F*ck#ng get in there you c*nt!' he says to himself and goes to the bar.
'Get the f*cking manager of this pigs sh*t middle class w*nkh#le
please you salad tossing pig f*ck#r!', he says to a somewhat startled
barman. The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can
I help you sir?' he says

'Yes you can you fat piece of sh*t, I saw your poxy advert in the
c*nti#g window and I'm here to audition.....w*nk#r.'

The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but
his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an
audition. The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number,
not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman
cries, 'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?' 'That song,
you big nosed tw*t, was called "Excuse me prime minister but I just
jizzed in your daughter's eye, and now the c*#ts blind...'

'Oh' says the manager 'err, can you play me another. Something a little
less "lively".

'W*nker..' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful
ballad which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty
teardrops asks him the title. 'That little number was called "Sometimes
when you do a bird up the sh*tbox you get crap on your bell end.'

'I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any songs with less offensive
titles?' 'Well there's my jazz number "Do you want me to split your
ringpiece", or there's the epic "I don't care if you're older my dear,
you've still got nice jugs".

'Look' says the manager interrupting, 'I think you're a superb pianist
but the title of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on the
condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the
audience.'

'F*ck it' says the pianist 'Why not'.

On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd is
lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being perceived as
modesty. The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row
there is a gorgeous blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the
side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline
which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage. During the interval the
pianist has got such a stonking hard on that he decides to go to the bog
and knock one out. Just as he has relieved the ergs he hears himself being
re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and
finishes his act. After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the
blond approaches him. 'Hi' she says. 'Hello' he winces, struggling
to hold in the expletives. She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do
you know your di#k is hanging out of your trousers, and sp#nk is
dribbling onto your shoes?'

'Know it?' says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently, 'I
f*ck#ng wrote it!!!'