Oh the poor Poms!

[MrFerrier]

DIARY OF AN EXPAT IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA

August 31
Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Karratha ,
Western Australia .
Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.
It was beautiful.
I've finally found my new home.
I love it here.

September 13
Really heating up now.
It got to 31 today.
No problem though.
Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this.
I'm turning into a sun-worshipper - no blasted rain like back in Leeds !!

September 30
Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today.
Lots of palms and rocks.
No more mowing lawns for me!
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
It's Paradise !

October 10
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least today it's windy though.
Keeps the flies off a bit.
Acclimatizing is taking longer than we expected.

October 15
Fell asleep by the pool yesterday.
Got third degree burns over 60% of my body.
Missed three days off work.
What a dumb thing to do..
Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this!

October 20
- Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work
this morning.
By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up
to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery.
The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat ****.
I've learned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.

October 25
- This wind is a bastard.
It feels like a giant ******* blow dryer.
And it's hot as hell!
The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged $200
just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from ******* Perth
.....The wife & the kids are complaining.

October 30
- The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the
******* air conditioner.
House is an oven so we've all been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights
now.
Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go inside.
Why the hell did I ever come here?

November 4
Finally got the ******* air-conditioner fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the
temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about
35.
Stupid repairman.
******* thief.

November 8
- If one more smart bastard says 'Hot enough for you today?'
I'm going to ******* throttle him.
******* heat!
By the time I get to work, the car radiator is boiling over, my ******* clothes are soaking ******* wet and I smell like baked cat.
******* place is the end of the Earth.

November 9
- Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black
leather upholstery in my car.
I thought my ******* arse was on fire.
I lost 2 layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off my
******* arse.
Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat.
****. ****. ****.

November 10
-- The Weather report might as well be a ******* recording..
Hot and sunny.
Hot and sunny, Hot and ******* sunny.
It never ******* changes!
It's been too hot to do anything for 2 ******* months and the weatherman
says it might really warm up next week.
****!

November 15
- Doesn't it ever rain in this damn ******* place?
Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry
up and blow into the ******* pool.
The only things that thrive in this ******* hell-hole are the ******* flies.
You don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the
little *******!

November 20
- Welcome to HELL!
It got to 45 ******* degrees today.
Now the air conditioner gone in my car.
The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?'
I wanted to shove the ******* car up his ******* arse.
Anyway, had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for
assaulting the stupid *****.
****ing Karratha!
What kind of sick, demented idiot would want to live here!

December 1
- WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!!
You are ******* kidding me!