I'm too sexy for my job...

Okay, so I was in Canadian Tire and decided to change careers.

I bought some car wax and a power washer and now I am happy to brag that I am the most expensive auto detailer in town.

Yep, I charge $1,000 per car, but hey, people feel better about themselves if they pay more for what is essentially a $20 job. If they pay more, they figure they're getting more (but they're not). I pay illegal immigrants $1 a day to help me out, and I pocket the rest of the proceeds so I can pay for my lavish lifestyle.

I just bought a used Mercedes S class cuz I wannabe perceived as a successful business man. I think people who buy used luxury cars are wannabe posers, but hey… who said my rules have to apply to me, right?

So with all this money I’m making, I buy only the best watches, wear the best clothing, eat the best food (and lots of it cuz I like flexing my fat to people for ‘intimidation purposes’) and I bought my wife the best boobs money can buy. What can I say? I'm the best!

Yep, I’m a big shot now.

Sorry though, I can’t hire any of you guys… you may leak my corporate secrets to other detailers and then I’d have to ban you from my premises.

BTW, I also like to lie to people's faces, particularly those who can be baffled by the constant BS I spew about my technical abilities on a computer.

Ain’t life grand?