Marriage: to do it or not - what do the experts say?

[Puffy]

So I'm no longer able to stall what my girlfriend really wants: getting married

To me the whole thing is a lot of hassle that will take up people's time and run into the cost of two SkyDwellers.

Anyone else been in this situation?

Should I agree to over a year of unnecessary stress and fights over utter nonsense?

[Sixshooter]

Doesn't sound like your all in. If you don't know for sure, don't do it.

[mannyv11]

Originally Posted by Sixshooter

Doesn't sound like your all in. If you don't know for sure, don't do it.

x2 but i can also say its well worth it if you do decide to go all in

[treeinthecity]

If you have doubts, don't do it.

[Lmbeauleap]

I like being married but marriage and the wedding are two different things. If we could do it over again we would have skipped the whole ceremony monstrosity and just go on a nice trip. Maybe throw a party when we get back.

[DoxaDavid]

Originally Posted by Sixshooter

Doesn't sound like your all in. If you don't know for sure, don't do it.

X3. Don't do it because you feel pressured by your girlfriend but because you want to.

There are two different issues as to what she may want. Is it the party that's important to her or the religious commitment because they are two different things. You can get married for very little by a judge and have a nice small affair without all the pomp or expense.

So, is it being married which is giving you pause or the cost/stress of the event? I would start with asking myself that and go from there.

[FeelingTheBlues]

There's no point in doing it without fully wanting it. You better be safe than sorry!

[Sixshooter]

I kept the wedding planning stress free, by letting her chose everything! I couldn't care less anyways I just wanted to get it done. Just stayed out of the way and kept my mouth shut. Its their day anyways, Everybody wins!

[eman1200]

chicks.........can't live with em, can't shoot em.

best of luck in your decision. I had a girlfriend once who pressured the bejeezus out of me and I told her to take a hike (but I knew up front she wasn't the one)

[texex91]

Don't.

A piece of paper does not make people happier (well maybe some).

Plus two SkyDwellers--that would be enough reason not to in my book

[Grumpy Badger]

I've been with the Long-Haired General for 14 years and we still aren't married.

A lot of people can't understand it but, like you say, it can be a damned expensive day which, for us, would change very little. Neither of us is at all religious and we don't want kids so there goes an awful lot of the reason to get hitched.

Since I recently joined the military we have discussed whether we should get married if I was going to do an Operational Tour since the British Army takes much better care of wives than it does girlfriends if I came home draped in a Union Flag...

I guess we are both practical people and don't get wrapped up in the romance of it but that's our take. If we do end up tying the knot we'd probably do it fairly "cheap" with an army Padré and knees-up in the Mess!

[BarkMaster]

Marriage is a commitment. If you are not ready for it, then be honest with her and tell her so. If she insists and you are not ready, it may be time to part ways... otherwise you may be setting yourself up for an expensive mistake.

Weddings may appear to be an unecessary expense, but most girls dream about them... consider it an investment in YOUR long term happiness.

[The Joker]

Forget the wedding day stuff and cost for the moment.

The question is do you love her, and do you want to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her?

[Cru Jones]

Originally Posted by The Joker

Forget the wedding day stuff and cost for the moment.

The question is do you love her, and do you want to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her?

simply and perfectly stated.

and, if the prospect of a big wedding day upsets you, talk it over, work through it and find something that works for the both of you. if you can't work together on that, which is such a minor hurdle compared to all the challenges that marriage can bring, i'd give the whole thing a bit more thought.

[rr-nyc]

The simple answer for you is don't do it...Its written in your post

The cost of a wedding is not relative to the number of Rolexes you could've bought. If you don't want or can't have the wedding your girlfriend wants, thats one thing but if you prefer to buy watches instead giving her the wedding she wants, marriage isn't for you

[DiamondJack]

Originally Posted by DoxaDavid

X3. Don't do it because you feel pressured by your girlfriend but because you want to.

There are two different issues as to what she may want. Is it the party that's important to her or the religious commitment because they are two different things. You can get married for very little by a judge and have a nice small affair without all the pomp or expense.

So, is it being married which is giving you pause or the cost/stress of the event? I would start with asking myself that and go from there.

Wise words from David ....

In my experience Anders, women generally have much more of a lifeplan than guys in terms of meeting a guy, getting engaged, getting married, buying a house, having kids.......and for most of them, that clock is ticking especially when their friends start getting hitched and the mother starts nagging....

But this will be the same with any woman in my opinion and you will definitely risk losing her by stalling too long..... It's just what's important to them......

After I was nagged into submission (with the right girl of course) ......I flew to Vegas with a group of 10 friends, got married in the Little White Wedding Chapel, partied hard for a week...... came back, hired a hotel on the South Coast and partied hard all over again with the rest of the family and friends that couldn't make the trip.

Had absolutely no complaints about lack of pomp and ceremony and a little man dressed up in a white dog collar spouting words of apparent historical significance and wisdom.....

[bewithabob]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mU7guAyAhzg

[Sixshooter]

Originally Posted by BarkMaster

Marriage is a commitment. If you are not ready for it, then be honest with her and tell her so. If she insists and you are not ready, it may be time to part ways... otherwise you may be setting yourself up for an expensive mistake.

Weddings may appear to be an unecessary expense, but most girls dream about them... consider it an investment in YOUR long term happiness.

This exactly.

[GoldenBear]

If you both aren't 100% sure, don't do it. The hassle and cost factors shouldn't matter now and they will only get worse when you (inevitably) split.

[azguy]

I'm a sworn and confirmed bachelor, would never get married or even entertain the thought.

You'll figure it out

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by eman1200

chicks.........can't live with em, can't shoot em.

best of luck in your decision. I had a girlfriend once who pressured the bejeezus out of me and I told her to take a hike (but I knew up front she wasn't the one)

No doubt she's thanking you now for correcting her obvious lack of good judgement.

[hsfrank]

I clearly echo what most have said. From your post it appears that you do not want to or are not ready for marriage. Therefore do not go into what should be a lifelong committment. I have been married for 42 years and can assure you that it is certainly worth it. BUT it requires a willingness and a committment to share, accept,give and compromise. One thing that nobody has mentioned is the Medical and legal advantage of marriage. If your significant other get sick and unable to speak for herself, then you will have no say in her treatment. Financially you will suffer taxwise ( in the states), especially if the difference in incomes is high. Things you buy together may be deprived to you if for any reason you are not together. Just a few thoughts of my humble opinions.

[floater156]

If you have doubts that continue to linger for more than one month - DO NOT DO IT!

[psv]

OK, getting cold feet and feeling apprehension is not unusual, especially the older you get and the harder you get set in your own ways.

Question # 1 is if you are feeling doubts about the wedding or the marriage per se. If it is the latter, you need to take a mental time out and truly figure out what your heart is telling you and what you want.

I've always said that marriage is the art of compromise without it feeling like a sacrifice. Once you are two in a marriage you do things together, you share as much as possible. If that feels wrong, then changes are it won't be a happy marriage. Making each other happy is key - if she wants a big wedding, and you truly love her, then that is what you will have, however be completely honest about your feelings about the whole situation.

[Joey_V]

If you're not sure, don't do it.

You think 2 Sea Dwellers is a lot?

If you get divorced, this could be the most expensive you'll ever make. Try a Sea Dweller or two every year!

[The Joker]

Originally Posted by Joey_V

If you're not sure, don't do it.

You think 2 Sea Dwellers is a lot?

If you get divorced, this could be the most expensive you'll ever make. Try a Sea Dweller or two every year!

He said sky dwellers, that's a different story.

[GothamG8or]

Originally Posted by BarkMaster

Marriage is a commitment. If you are not ready for it, then be honest with her and tell her so. If she insists and you are not ready, it may be time to part ways... otherwise you may be setting yourself up for an expensive mistake.

Weddings may appear to be an unecessary expense, but most girls dream about them... consider it an investment in YOUR long term happiness.

Spot on. I waited until my late 30s to get married b/c I hadn't found "the one". But when I finally did (and was able to fool her into thinking I was her's ) it was the best decision I've ever made hands down.

[figbo]

I've been married 4 times,I'm no expert...

[chicfarmer1]

Originally Posted by Puffy

Should I agree to over a year of unnecessary stress and fights over utter nonsense?

If you simply mean the wedding stuff, that is survivable. It's really about marriage and lifetime. Do "marriage" and "lifetime" sound like nice words together, to your ear? If not, absolutely don't.

[Puffy]

to answer the most important question, yes, i love the girl i'm with

Getting married i can handle - I've told her we can go to the Caribbean with the nearest and dearest and it's on me.

What i can't handle is some behemoth of a party with lots of people that are only there for the free booze and food.

Most weddings i've been to so far have been willy-measuring competitons, "we can afford this and that".

Last wedding i went to the groom didn't even remember my name and I sat next to a dude whose wife went to school with the bride 15 years ago but they only connected on Facebook three months prior and was invited!

caught at a crossroad here as she's a good girl and there aren't many of her kind out there but at the same time i'm a stubborn bastard who fights the financial markets for a living and i'm never one to back down