Night Before Christmas.

[padi56]

Twas the night before Christmas, and God was it neat,
The kids were both gone, and my wife was on heat.

The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook,
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

Mama in her birthday suite, and me in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.

When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and poor Mama went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the curtains while she played with herself.

The moon on the crest of the snowman we built,
Showed a broom up his ars#hole, clear up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh, and 8 mangy reindeer.

With a fat little driver half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite,
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.

Whoa Shit-head, whoa Ars#hole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig, or I'll cut off your nuts.

Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.

They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out, and threw up over my shrub.

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.

I was donning my jacket to cover my ass
When down the chimney came Santa with a crash.

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.

"That was some brothel" he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are knackerd, so I'll just stay here a while."

He walked to the kitchen, poured himself a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and p!ssed in the sink.

I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the room, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.

The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a lovetoy, with a pen#s that spits.

A box filled with condoms, was Santa's next find
And a six pack of panties, the edible kind.

A bra without nipples, a pen#s extension,
And several other things I shouldn't even mention.

A peni#ring, a g-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long, it lay wrapped in a coil.

"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will sh!t,
So I'll leave then here, and then I'll have to split."

He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny bum plug left under his sleeve.

He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ars#, and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, took the reigns of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this nights been a BITCH!"

The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!"

[mailman]

[JJ Irani]

Bravo!!!