Girls Coffeeshop Talk

[Rockrolex]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Okay, I'll jump in. I had a big ol' message written out and then decided not to post it. I thought I was sounding self-righteous or something.... but after reading what Bill and Nancy say I don't think I'm too out of line here....

I wouldn't leave my 3 month old with anyone - when my husband and I were new parents we quickly realized it wasn't worth it to go anywhere. When I had my first baby we tried leaving Phoebe with my in-laws, with the naive assumption we could go out every now and then and I could keep working part time. I hadn't figured out how strongly attached to mom babies are, especially breastfed babies. Whenever we'd get home, we'd hear about how she had cried non-stop, refusing to drink from a bottle. It broke my heart, and I soon found that trying to go out was no fun at all.

It was all part of the new-parent adjustment, I guess. Realizing that your focus changes. Let the self-sacrificing begin!

Now, from a more objective viewpoint, I agree with Nancy that you're being asked to go quite a bit out of your way to babysit this little one. Maybe it's true new parents need time to be together and re-connect, but they might want to consider doing so in a way that doesn't inconvenience you guys so much. I'd take the baby with me if I was the mom.

More facts.

My daughter-in-law is not breastfeeding. Alyssa has been bottle fed from the get-go.

She has already stayed overnight with her other grandparents at their house when she was less than 2 months old.

Does that change the equation?

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by away36

I agree wholeheartedly with that as well, Bill. I would never have taken my grandchild overnight at that age. Even now, although the kids have never asked me to keep them overnight, I'd still be a bit nervous and they are 2-1/2 and almost 4 years old. It's not the same when you're a grandparent. You love the kids to death...but the bottom line is...they are not YOUR kids and the sense of responsibility is like nothing I ever imagined before the grandkids came along. It's very much like babysitting a neighbour or friend's kids....you worry all the time that something is going to happen no matter how carefully you're watching them!

Nancy, the first time my two older girls spent the night at gran's they were 4 and 7. I just wasn't comfortable with it any earlier.

[away36]

Originally Posted by Lisa

I wouldn't leave my 3 month old with anyone - when my husband and I were new parents we quickly realized it wasn't worth it to go anywhere.

My kids took the little ones with them everywhere for almost a year. When they were really small, they often just slept through the meal, and later on, my sons and their wives quickly became very adept at eating with a child on their lap etc. The first time I babysat at their place, they only went out for about 2 hours, and texted me every 10 minutes to see how things were going. They weren't concerned about whether I could handle the little one or not, they were just worried that she'd give me such a hassle that I'd be pulling my hair out. They still text me when I babysit.....but not as often, and more than anything to let me know how much fun they are having and how much they appreciate getting out. If the little one is acting up....I just don't tell them.....I mean.....they're kids....and sometimes kids act up!

[away36]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Nancy, the first time my two older girls spent the night at gran's they were 4 and 7. I just wasn't comfortable with it any earlier.

That's a big issue too, eh Lisa? Everyone has a different "comfort" level about stuff like that, and no matter how much you might trust other people, you can't go out and enjoy yourself if you have that tight feeling of anxiety in your chest all the time. As a mom.............just like as a grandmom.....you can so easily imagine all the worst scenarios. The protective instinct is so strong that it supersedes everything else.

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by away36

That's a big issue too, eh Lisa? Everyone has a different "comfort" level about stuff like that, and no matter how much you might trust other people, you can't go out and enjoy yourself if you have that tight feeling of anxiety in your chest all the time. As a mom.............just like as a grandmom.....you can so easily imagine all the worst scenarios. The protective instinct is so strong that it supersedes everything else.

I'm really sounding overprotective, here, but when Phoebe was about 1 she stayed with my inlaws for a little while - can't remember why but I guess I had to be somewhere... anyhow, when I came to get her my sis-in-law, who had been over with her folks, took great delight in telling me how much Phoebe enjoyed the Diet Coke they gave her.

It was a long time before I left her over there again! Regular Coke might not have bothered me as much (still not kosher, though) but aspartame and babies is not a good idea IMO. Though I know the inlaws and auntie are very loving and well-intentioned, they don't share the same philosophies I do...

[DSJ]

Originally Posted by Rockrolex

More facts.

My daughter-in-law is not breastfeeding. Alyssa has been bottle fed from the get-go.

She has already stayed overnight with her other grandparents at their house when she was less than 2 months old.

Does that change the equation?

Not IMO.

I think it's a significant imposition to put upon you for an evening out for them. I DO think they need to get out occasionally, but I stick by my previous suggestion of inviting them down for the weekend so they can have an evening out together, then retire to your place. A 3 month-old sleeps a lot, so if they want to spend the evening with their friends, bring the baby or have the friends over.

I hope I'm not breaking etiquitte by posting in the gals' spot.

[redshirt1957]

Originally Posted by Lisa

I'm really sounding overprotective, here, but when Phoebe was about 1 she stayed with my inlaws for a little while - can't remember why but I guess I had to be somewhere... anyhow, when I came to get her my sis-in-law, who had been over with her folks, took great delight in telling me how much Phoebe enjoyed the Diet Coke they gave her.

It was a long time before I left her over there again! Regular Coke might not have bothered me as much (still not kosher, though) but aspartame and babies is not a good idea IMO. Though I know the inlaws and auntie are very loving and well-intentioned, they don't share the same philosophies I do...

What's the big deal? I was raised by wolves and I turned out just fine.

[away36]

Originally Posted by DSJ

Not IMO.

I think it's a significant imposition to put upon you for an evening out for them. I DO think they need to get out occasionally, but I stick by my previous suggestion of inviting them down for the weekend so they can have an evening out together, then retire to your place. A 3 month-old sleeps a lot, so if they want to spend the evening with their friends, bring the baby or have the friends over.

I hope I'm not breaking etiquitte by posting in the gals' spot.

Hey....we gals LOVE when you guys jump in and participate! It's always good to hear what you all have to say!

That's what my kids did when the little ones were really young...still do a lot, actually...is get together with friends at their own house, or take the baby with them. A lot of their friends have kids the same age so it becomes a "play date" for both the kids AND the parents!

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by redshirt1957

What's the big deal? I was raised by wolves and I turned out just fine.

Who asked you, Mowgli?

[away36]

Originally Posted by Lisa

I'm really sounding overprotective, here, but when Phoebe was about 1 she stayed with my inlaws for a little while - can't remember why but I guess I had to be somewhere... anyhow, when I came to get her my sis-in-law, who had been over with her folks, took great delight in telling me how much Phoebe enjoyed the Diet Coke they gave her.

It was a long time before I left her over there again! Regular Coke might not have bothered me as much (still not kosher, though) but aspartame and babies is not a good idea IMO. Though I know the inlaws and auntie are very loving and well-intentioned, they don't share the same philosophies I do...

I am in total agreement with the Aspartame statement, Lisa. Nothing overprotective there....just plain good parenting.

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by DSJ

Not IMO.

I think it's a significant imposition to put upon you for an evening out for them. I DO think they need to get out occasionally, but I stick by my previous suggestion of inviting them down for the weekend so they can have an evening out together, then retire to your place. A 3 month-old sleeps a lot, so if they want to spend the evening with their friends, bring the baby or have the friends over.

I hope I'm not breaking etiquitte by posting in the gals' spot.

David, you have great insights. The coffee shop is open to everyone!

[away36]

Originally Posted by redshirt1957

What's the big deal? I was raised by wolves and I turned out just fine.

Originally Posted by Lisa

Who asked you, Mowgli?

[away36]

Originally Posted by redshirt1957

What's the big deal? I was raised by wolves and I turned out just fine.

I doubt that you'd want us to take a vote on that, Joe.

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by Rockrolex

More facts.

My daughter-in-law is not breastfeeding. Alyssa has been bottle fed from the get-go.

She has already stayed overnight with her other grandparents at their house when she was less than 2 months old.

Does that change the equation?

I don't think so. I guess I've always been very sensitive to avoid taking my parents or inlaws for granted. They've already raised their children. They have their own lives and I wouldn't ever want them to feel like they are obligated to take care of my kids.

[Rockrolex]

Originally Posted by Lisa

I don't think so. I guess I've always been very sensitive to avoid taking my parents or inlaws for granted. They've already raised their children. They have their own lives and I wouldn't ever want them to feel like they are obligated to take care of my kids.

I don't think they saw it as an obligation. They viewed it as an opportunity for us to spend quality time with our first grandchild. They wanted to give us first dibs on this opportunity because the other grandparents are geographically closer and have more chances to see the baby than we do.

[away36]

Originally Posted by Rockrolex

I don't think they saw it as an obligation. They viewed it as an opportunity for us to spend quality time with our first grandchild. They wanted to give us first dibs on this opportunity because the other grandparents are geographically closer and have more chances to see the baby than we do.

My one son and his wife have a similar situation. Her parents used to live about a 2 minute walk from their house, so it was more practical to ask them to babysit simply as a matter of geographical convenience, but they kept feeling like they needed to explain that to me every time they asked her parents to babysit. Didn't bother me at all...and now her parents live WITH them so naturally she is the primary babysitter when my son and his wife want to go out. They do however, make sure they visit regularly so we get quality time with the little one.

That doesn't change my opinion about the current dilemna, though!

[Lisa]

I'm with Nancy, for what it's worth.

[away36]

Originally Posted by Lisa

I'm with Nancy, for what it's worth.

Uhh.....thanks......I THINK.

[Lisa]

Mr. Rock, what do YOU want to do? Rather not cancel your plans?

[Rockrolex]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Mr. Rock, what do YOU want to do? Rather not cancel your plans?

It think what we are going to do is suggest option #3 -Switch with us for one night. That way we get the baby without them hanging all over us and they get a night out.

Not sure if they'll go for it, but Arleen would really lke that option (which was suggested to us by a friend).

We can always change our symphony tickets and we can miss the thing we have Sunday afternoon, if necessary. We do want to be home for Sunday night. It's a stage performance of Arthur Miller's View from the Bridge. We saw the opera this season and we wanted to see the play so that when our opera study group meets, we can compare the two.

[redshirt1957]

Originally Posted by away36

I doubt that you'd want us to take a vote on that, Joe.

You know...you do have a good point. Set myself up for that one, eh.

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by redshirt1957

You know...you do have a good point. Set myself up for that one, eh.

(psst... nancy.... actually I think the wolves did a rather good job!)

[redshirt1957]

Originally Posted by Lisa

(psst... nancy.... actually I think the wolves did a rather good job!)

If only I did not have to shave my back twice a month. If not; when I get out of the pool half the water comes with me.

[away36]

Originally Posted by Lisa

(psst... nancy.... actually I think the wolves did a rather good job!)

Absolutely....but let's not tell Joe.......I mean.....we wouldn't want that to go to his head.

Then again, on second thought.....then there'd actually be something there!

[away36]

Originally Posted by redshirt1957

If only I did not have to shave my back twice a month. If not; when I get out of the pool half the water comes with me.

Hey Joey boy......in here you don't have to shave your back...you just have to watch it!

[redshirt1957]

Originally Posted by away36

Hey Joey boy......in here you don't have to shave your back...you just have to watch it!

I feel perfectly safe with you and Lisa washing, I mean watching, my back. Hey, where the hell is everybody? Nothing has changed much around here; my wife ran off with my ex-wife and did not send me pictures of the honeymoon; my 14 year old girl is going to have twins; the oldest boy has joined the midget circus; and the other two girls are pulling for North Carolina in the NCAA's. I have to admit I am upset about the North Carolina part.

[Lisa]

Nancy, you hold him down and I'll get the Nair.

I'm still here, Joe Bub. But I can't stay and visit about your dull and dreary life of late because I am surrounded with boxes of useless stuff that I moved from our old house. If I stopped going through them and donated every bit to Goodwill I would never miss any of the contents. I think that's just what I'm gonna do!

At any rate, so does this mean you're available now? Actually, I used to work with a guy whose wife left him for another woman. I think he was really okay with it, because he needed to come out of the closet himself!

NTTAWWT.

[away36]

Originally Posted by redshirt1957

I feel perfectly safe with you and Lisa washing, I mean watching, my back. Hey, where the hell is everybody? Nothing has changed much around here; my wife ran off with my ex-wife and did not send me pictures of the honeymoon; my 14 year old girl is going to have twins; the oldest boy has joined the midget circus; and the other two girls are pulling for North Carolina in the NCAA's. I have to admit I am upset about the North Carolina part.

Oh good. Things are still normal around here......Joe's as crazy as ever and there's something almost comforting in that.

[away36]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Nancy, you hold him down and I'll get the Nair.

I was thinking more about the duct tape, Lisa.

[redshirt1957]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Nancy, you hold him down and I'll get the Nair.

I'm still here, Joe Bub. But I can't stay and visit about your dull and dreary life of late because I am surrounded with boxes of useless stuff that I moved from our old house. If I stopped going through them and donated every bit to Goodwill I would never miss any of the contents. I think that's just what I'm gonna do!

At any rate, so does this mean you're available now? Actually, I used to work with a guy whose wife left him for another woman. I think he was really okay with it, because he needed to come out of the closet himself!

NTTAWWT.

I know what a TAWWT is, but what the hell does NTTAWWT mean? Good luck with the boxes and how much of that stuff is your husband's? By the way, what's your husbands name; sounds kind of rude calling him by a pronoun after you offered to nair my back. Tried the nair trick once and my daughter, who was ten at the time, still comments on the dead fish smell. Maybe I should keep some of my old age problems to myself.

Good luck with the unpacking.