Rules of order

[idk01]

1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow
isn't looking good either.

2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they
go flying by.

3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they isn't there the
first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.

6. I DON'T HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM, YOU HAVE A PERCEPTION PROBLEM.

7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought
to myself, "where the heck is the ceiling?"

8. My reality check bounced.

9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

10. I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

11. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

12. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and
taste good with sauce.

13. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

14. Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, then beat
you with experience.

15. A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the arse.

16. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

17. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month
than you did before.

18. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

19. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

20. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will
happen to you the rest of the day.

21. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

22. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

23. Following the rules will not get the job done.

24. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by
reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

25. Only the mediocre are at their best all the time.

26. There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

27. Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be the king.

28. If at first you don't succeed... skydiving isn't for you.

29. Life is a waste of time; time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the
time and have the time of your life.

30. When everything is coming your way...... you're in the wrong lane!

31. The light at the end of the tunnel is probably an oncoming train.

32. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

33. Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit
there.

34. Politicians and nappies have one thing in common; they should both be
changed regularly, for the same reason.

35. An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears
that this is true.

36. There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse
every year.

37. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

38. I am a nutritional overachiever.

39. I am having an out of money experience.

40. I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

41. Practice safe eating: Always use condiments.

42. A day without sunshine is like night.

43. If marriage were outlawed only outlaws would have in-laws.

44. It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask
you the questions.

45. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the
right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

46. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

47. Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

48. Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show.

49. You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you
stopped laughing.