Helicopter Parenting....whatcha think?

[Speedbird-1]

Originally Posted by pickettt

Nope. Emerson, Aiden, nor Mason were prepared to get their cardigans dirty.

[Speedbird-1]

Originally Posted by pickettt

I know you all won't believe this, but I took my son out of private school so he could experience and navigate some proper public school dust ups.

"I was at school with his brother Bufty. Tremendous bloke. He was head of my house. Buggered me senseless. Still, it taught me a thing or two, about life."

(4 weddings....hotel scene.)

[BLACKHORSE 6]

My 6 year old plays with a group of boys from the neighborhood. They move between all our backyards and the creek that runs behind our subdivision like a marauding band of pirates that raid refrigerators for snacks at will. He always comes home dirty, usually with a new stick that served as a lightsaber on their latest adventure. Last week he came home with a frog in a jar that he had acquired from somewhere because he and his buddy next door wanted to put it in our yard and watch it eat bugs. Basically doing exactly what 6 and 7 year old boys should be doing.

My wife and I feel that limiting screen time for our kids has been one of the best things we’ve done. Can see a huge difference with them after making that change.

[pickettt]

Originally Posted by enjoythemusic

Guess i'm more the Traditional parent. My truly inspiring wife / lover / Muse cooks / bakes / cleans.... Lead through example and all that, be there for them, show them life skills such as financing / math, 'car stuff', etc. To experience what a successful life partnership should be....

That’s awesome. It works.

[Dirt]

Originally Posted by 77T

Cardboard box???
Paradise!!!

We had it tough. Get out of shoebox at midnight, lick road clean, eat a couple of bits of coal gravel, work 23 hours a day at mill for a penny every 4 years...and when we got home Dad would slice us in half with a bread knife.


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Aye, and if you tried telling the youth of today that.
They wouldn't believe you.

[fozzyf18]

Originally Posted by pickettt

I know you all won't believe this, but I took my son out of private school so he could experience and navigate some proper public school dust ups.

I absolutely believe this. My parents did the same thing in the late 80s. Lawn darts, back deck of the car, rubbing dirt on a flesh wound, riding Chicago public transportation anywhere for $0.25 solo, definitely my childhood.

Just be home when the streetlights come on. And we pushed that one as well. I don't think that works, or is advisable, anymore. I wouldn't blame the parents or kids, just the way things have progressed.

[pickettt]

Originally Posted by fozzyf18

I absolutely believe this. My parents did the same thing in the late 80s. Lawn darts, back deck of the car, rubbing dirt on a flesh wound, riding Chicago public transportation anywhere for $0.25 solo, definitely my childhood.

Just be home when the streetlights come on. And we pushed that one as well. I don't think that works, or is advisable, anymore. I wouldn't blame the parents or kids, just the way things have progressed.

Not progressed, but rather, changed.

[Blansky]

Growing up feral in the 50s and 60s I watched some of that "progression" taking place.

1. The news media.....people read the paper and watched the news at maybe 6 and 10PM back then, and other than that what went on in the world was just out there somewhere else. But soon other people's news started to become our news. Some kid gets kidnapped in NY and now it feels like it's next door.

The news media has always cashed in on FEAR. Human beings number one motivating emotion. They learned how to make everything about fear, and to keep ears and eyes on the medium, they use fear to keep them coming back. Essentially addicting them to the media.

2. The whole, missing kids pictures on the milk cartons.....I think that 95% of that was actually parental abductions of custody battle losses. Not random kids. More fear.

3. Mothers working outside the home so there were empty homes when kids were done school, leading to more programs to "babysit them".

4. The need for families to push their kids to the "best" kindergartens all the way to colleges, so they had to be supervised 24/7 to excel.

As others have said this has probably created a more fearful and less confident person as they grow up.

[ERH]

On Sundays during the summer we went to the lake shore. My father had an old Ford. The picnic basket in the trunk, my mother up front with my father, us six boys in the back seat, three seated, three standing leaning on the front seat. On the way back, we switched sitting. The argument was more about who got the window.

No seatbelts, no air conditioning, AM radio. Sweet memories, of long ago days growing up.

[Maleg]

Originally Posted by Blansky

Growing up feral in the 50s and 60s I watched some of that "progression" taking place.

1. The news media.....people read the paper and watched the news at maybe 6 and 10PM back then, and other than that what went on in the world was just out there somewhere else. But soon other people's news started to become our news. Some kid gets kidnapped in NY and now it feels like it's next door.

The news media has always cashed in on FEAR. Human beings number one motivating emotion. They learned how to make everything about fear, and to keep ears and eyes on the medium, they use fear to keep them coming back. Essentially addicting them to the media.

2. The whole, missing kids pictures on the milk cartons.....I think that 95% of that was actually parental abductions of custody battle losses. Not random kids. More fear.

3. Mothers working outside the home so there were empty homes when kids were done school, leading to more programs to "babysit them".

4. The need for families to push their kids to the "best" kindergartens all the way to colleges, so they had to be supervised 24/7 to excel.

As others have said this has probably created a more fearful and less confident person as they grow up.

It's not progression, that implies progress, which is improvement. It's just different now than when we were kids.

We went out to play. We didn't have structured play time prescibed by pseudoscience to achieve artificial childhood goals that would somehow prepare us to be overachieving adults.

We also weren't exposed to all the evils of the world kids today get through media. A ten year old with an iPad can learn how to murder the kid he hates at school. We never had that. We would solve the problem in a schoolyard fight, shake hands, and walk away.

Each generation of parents after ours has relied more on third party services and apps to coparent their kids. Parents are right to be fearful. But where our parents would invest more of their time to ensure we were on the right path, parents today invest more into devices, streaming services, and "experts" to get their kids right. I wonder if at some point kids will see their parents as service providers rather than the guardians of their destiny.

[KatGirl]

To hear my kids talk of their childhoods, you’d think they had no parents. We let them explore, but did teach them about stranger danger, and common sense safety precautions. I could always find them when needed, if they were outside. So, I definitely was not a helicopter Mom. When it was time for them to leave the nest, I was not sad or upset in anyway. We need to allow our children to become independent, and equip them to be successful adults. They all (4) turned out great and are good parents, themselves.

Kat


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[pickettt]

Originally Posted by katgirl

to hear my kids talk of their childhoods, you’d think they had no parents. We let them explore, but did teach them about stranger danger, and common sense safety precautions. I could always find them when needed, if they were outside. So, i definitely was not a helicopter mom. When it was time for them to leave the nest, i was not sad or upset in anyway. We need to allow our children to become independent, and equip them to be successful adults. They all (4) turned out great and are good parents, themselves.

Kat


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100%

[Barbara_C]

Being born in 56....I had to walk about 1.5 miles just to catch the bus....we lived out of Moorhead MN if I was lucky it would be -5 in Jan....then back home ....in blizzards. nobody came looking for us and I was the oldest and suppose to watch my younger brother.....I had a very hard life as a kid a very hard life ......not happy like the Waltons etc and could only dream that I live the life I'm at today, I owe lots to the NAVY. but yes by todays norm my mother would have been arrested for child neglect.

[brandrea]

I must’ve grown up in the 70’s … I wear my Rolex everywhere

[Blansky]

Originally Posted by Maleg

It's not progression, that implies progress, which is improvement. It's just different now than when we were kids.

The definition of progression is advancing forward, as does the word progress.

We've somehow connotatively changed to meaning to mean "better" or improvement.

[Blansky]

Originally Posted by brandrea

I must’ve grown up in the 70’s … I wear my Rolex everywhere

I've seen your high school graduation pictures....sure enough.

Of course it was cheaper then.

[brandrea]

Originally Posted by Blansky

I've seen your high school graduation pictures....sure enough.

Of course it was cheaper then.

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[Stan Cooper]

I was born in the summer of '42 in Jacksonville, Florida, and am a middle child with an older brother and sister, and a younger brother and sister. We never locked our doors at night, and were pretty much allowed to do as we wanted after some light discussion about risks. When I was twelve, I took Morse code lessons across town after dinner with two bus transfers and walking across the Main Street Bridge over the St. Johns River alone in the dark twice a week.

Were I and my parents naive back then? I don't think so, but I'd never permit my kids the same independence in today's world.

[Blansky]

Originally Posted by Stan Cooper

I was born in the summer of '42 in Jacksonville, Florida, and am a middle child with an older brother and sister, and a younger brother and sister. We never locked our doors at night, and were pretty much allowed to do as we wanted after some light discussion about risks. When I was twelve, I took Morse code lessons across town after dinner with two bus transfers and walking across the Main Street Bridge over the St. Johns River alone in the dark twice a week.

Were I and my parents naive back then? I don't think so, but I'd never permit my kids the same independence in today's world.

Which I guess begs the question: is the world more dangerous? Or do we just feel that it is?

Big cities are and probably WERE more dangerous even back then, but you live in a small town/city and still feel that it's dangerous.

Is it our perception or is it a reality?

A few years ago I lived in the same city as you, across from a school and the cars were lined up morning and afternoon to drop off/pick up kids. Almost NONE walked home. None were wearing Rolexes.

[enjoythemusic]

Originally Posted by pickettt

That’s awesome. It works.

Very much so it seems. She's a wonderful person, help dogs in need, and manages life, love, and finances (surprisingly) well. Plus my wife's daughter is a really good cook and she bakes too. Smart kid IMHO.

[Maleg]

Originally Posted by Blansky

The definition of progression is advancing forward, as does the word progress.

We've somehow connotatively changed to meaning to mean "better" or improvement.

You completely missed the point of my post.

Originally Posted by Stan Cooper

I was born in the summer of '42 in Jacksonville, Florida, and am a middle child with an older brother and sister, and a younger brother and sister. We never locked our doors at night, and were pretty much allowed to do as we wanted after some light discussion about risks. When I was twelve, I took Morse code lessons across town after dinner with two bus transfers and walking across the Main Street Bridge over the St. Johns River alone in the dark twice a week.

Were I and my parents naive back then? I don't think so, but I'd never permit my kids the same independence in today's world.

When I was that age, in the summer my dad would put my brothers and I on a train into the city to watch a ball game, then he'd go to work. We'd walk to Wrigley from the train station and watch the Cubs. Then walk back to the station for the ride home. I never felt afraid and always had a blast.

[Blansky]

Originally Posted by Maleg

You completely missed the point of my post.

No, I got it. It's just that people seem to mistake the word to always mean better, and not just a movement forward in time.

I actually agree with your post.

There was a generation or so between my time as a kid and today's with the hideous internet, but even they too had seemed to been "sheltered" from life far more than we were. Kids growing up in the 60-70s and 70-80s.

I was reading a year or so ago that social services has been called on parents who attempt to educate/raise their kids as independent people walking home, using the subway..etc etc. Basically a kid alone on the sidewalk.

[pickettt]

Originally Posted by Maleg

When I was that age, in the summer my dad would put my brothers and I on a train into the city to watch a ball game, then he'd go to work. We'd walk to Wrigley from the train station and watch the Cubs. Then walk back to the station for the ride home. I never felt afraid and always had a blast.

Similar…when I was in elementary school, my dad would drop my friends and me off at Angels’ Stadium in Anaheim, then pick us up after the game. We’re talking about 10, 11, 12 years old. Insane by today’s standard of parenting, yet here I am, alive and kicking.

[MichelleP]

Originally Posted by Blansky

Which I guess begs the question: is the world more dangerous? Or do we just feel that it is?

Big cities are and probably WERE more dangerous even back then, but you live in a small town/city and still feel that it's dangerous.

Is it our perception or is it a reality?

A few years ago I lived in the same city as you, across from a school and the cars were lined up morning and afternoon to drop off/pick up kids. Almost NONE walked home. None were wearing Rolexes.

I think with 24/7 news, we just hear more about crime. As you posted, news used to be early evening and late night. Now they have to fill in an entire day so we hear about every crime.

[BraveBold]

The world is more dangerous in many ways than 70 years ago.

However, people take far greater precautions today so the outcomes are more positive.

Most do not understand this - the stats do not exist in a vacuum.

It is like saying driving is safer today without considering the massive advances in vehicle design and safety technology.

Not locking doors today makes someone a greater target - a higher relative risk. As would allowing a kid to take a bicycle everywhere and at any time. Traffic 70 years ago was far less dense than today. Far greater number of cars with far greater performance. Increased wealth also puts more high performance cars in the hands of inexperienced drivers. Of course this gets offset by far more rules (for drivers and pedestrians), far better medical response times and technology, vehicle technology and - wait for it - coddling parents… or at least more controls over how and when kids travel.

So outcomes today are “less bad” but safety is a higher priority. Same for the treatment of workers and a bunch of related stuff. If we had the same lax approach as years ago, with the higher populations of today (meaning an absolute greater number of bad folks with greater access to ways to cause more havoc) we’d see it in the stats.

Cannot ignore one while focusing solely on the other.

[enjoythemusic]

Why is it years ago only one parent 'had to' work? What devalued to cause society to be forced to have both parent working? How has that negativity affected society?

It's rhetorical, as trf members are smart and know why.

[77T]

Careful Steven, you're in the Major Leagues here...


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[White Collar Boy]

I wonder if the change in parents (becoming overly-protective/over-involved) is not so straightforwardly generational, but about wealth? I dunno.

I’m no sociologist, but it sounds like most of us here grew up during a long ‘golden age’ of the middle-class (not to overlook how hard it was for some) that has been in decline since the 1980s. So while we might be doing okay, for many people it’s economically precarious; maybe that finds unconscious expression in helicopter parenting: not wanting kids to fail.

The paradox is that, to become resilient and healthy, their kids have to be allowed to struggle and fail.

[BraveBold]

Originally Posted by enjoythemusic

Why is it years ago only one parent 'had to' work? What devalued to cause society to be forced to have both parent working? How has that negativity affected society?

It's rhetorical, as trf members are smart and know why.

I will give you the real answer. What has devalued is emphasis on family and time, in favor of more “stuff”…

Luxury car market penetration 50 years ago was around 5%-10% max. Today, 20%. Average home size in the US went from 1,500 sq ft to 2,500+. Proliferation of luxury anything - well, look at the performance of the luxury companies vs the broader market…

What defined a middle class household 50 years ago was a more modest array of things than today. A big part of two earner households - the biggest part - is a shifted view on what constitutes a “necessity” today.

I grew up with 3 TV stations that were watchable (not covered in snow), and a typical car (Ford Tempo, true POS). That was the mass market car - roll down windows, 90hp engine, crap box. Compare to today…

What has devalued (changed) is the trade-off decision between time and accumulating crap.

[austinp]

Originally Posted by BraveBold

I will give you the real answer. What has devalued is emphasis on family and time, in favor of more “stuff”…

Luxury car market penetration 50 years ago was around 5%-10% max. Today, 20%. Average home size in the US went from 1,500 sq ft to 2,500+. Proliferation of luxury anything - well, look at the performance of the luxury companies vs the broader market…

What defined a middle class household 50 years ago was a more modest array of things than today. A big part of two earner households - the biggest part - is a shifted view on what constitutes a “necessity” today.

I grew up with 3 TV stations that were watchable (not covered in snow), and a typical car (Ford Tempo, true POS). That was the mass market car - roll down windows, 90hp engine, crap box. Compare to today…

What has devalued (changed) is the trade-off decision between time and accumulating crap.

Agree 100%.


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