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Jimbits76 · 22 April 2009, 12:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa

Well, we know about the one on your pee-pee. You mean there's more!?

Just psychological and internal.

Oh and a bunch on my forearms where certain things made me paranoid and think that my blood was unclean. That is a whole other story!

J

Lisa · 22 April 2009, 12:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbits76

Just psychological and internal.

Oh and a bunch on my forearms where certain things made me paranoid and think that my blood was unclean. That is a whole other story!

J

Okay, that's the makings of a fascinating autobiography, or a screenplay.

Thinking back, I was just about your age when I got serious about getting better and facing real life. My husband was in med school, and I knew that if I ever wanted kids I couldn't do it in my current state. I wrote tons of prose and poetry, had a journal, spilled everything out. I haven't gone back and read any of it for years but still have it all printed out and stuffed in a notebook. Some pretty dark stuff. I'm glad to be past it now. Well, almost past it - I hang on the the good parts, like my unusual outlook on life.

redshirt1957 · 22 April 2009, 12:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa

Okay, that's the makings of a fascinating autobiography, or a screenplay.

Thinking back, I was just about your age when I got serious about getting better and facing real life. My husband was in med school, and I knew that if I ever wanted kids I couldn't do it in my current state. I wrote tons of prose and poetry, had a journal, spilled everything out. I haven't gone back and read any of it for years but still have it all printed out and stuffed in a notebook. Some pretty dark stuff. I'm glad to be past it now. Well, almost past it - I hang on the the good parts, like my unusual outlook on life.

This seems to work for me.

Lisa · 22 April 2009, 12:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redshirt1957

This seems to work for me.

What? I can't hear you 'cuz of all the sand!

Jimbits76 · 22 April 2009, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa

Okay, that's the makings of a fascinating autobiography, or a screenplay.

Thinking back, I was just about your age when I got serious about getting better and facing real life. My husband was in med school, and I knew that if I ever wanted kids I couldn't do it in my current state. I wrote tons of prose and poetry, had a journal, spilled everything out. I haven't gone back and read any of it for years but still have it all printed out and stuffed in a notebook. Some pretty dark stuff. I'm glad to be past it now. Well, almost past it - I hang on the the good parts, like my unusual outlook on life.

I'd be interested to read some of that.

Well this is about as heavy and serious I'll get in a public forum...

At 18 I made a silly choice. I wanted to die and chose something I thought would either get me there quicker or perhaps stop the emotional pain.

All it did was plunge me deeper into despair.

At 23-24 I was fried, on a rollercoaster to Hell. One Christmas I went too far and was actually sick for about ten days.

On Christmas Day at the dinner table I had a massive haemorrhage and blood poured out of my nose and mouth.

As you can guess it pretty much spoiled the proceedings!

After that I figured it was do or die.

We didn't have clinics and help like you see now with all this glam celeb rubbish.

This was 10 years ago...I had a doctor, a GP who would just moan about how I was cooking my body from the inside and wrecking my brain and that I needed to stop.

I did.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it but I miss it like somebody might miss an ex love. I only miss it when I think about it and even then, like now I don't miss it that much.

Got too much to live for now (hence the fear thread).

J

Lisa · 22 April 2009, 12:46 AM

Jim, some day you really won't miss it. At all.

I had really great therapist back then, a tall, fluffy gay guy who just made me laugh and was the most sensitive and insightful man.... he said, Hey, guess what. Real life can be kind of boring. It's mundane and ordinary much of the time.

So, I accepted that, and guess what happened? I started to notice and enjoy the little things more. I slowed my pace and started looking at what made me happy - nuzzling a baby's head, planting stuff in the garden, enjoying an evening at the park... listening to my kiddos tell some amazing tale....

This is starting to sound corny and trite, but for me, it's all true and has helped calm my soul.

ob1 · 22 April 2009, 12:57 AM

I had a pretty mis-spent youth too Jim and some of my close friends suffered similarly to you. Is my life as 'exciting' as it was then, probably not but time passes and you realise that you aren't gonna be young forever. You've turned your life around, done the hard bit already. You have a loving family, a good job, and many friends from around the world and uk. You have done lots of good things for people on TRF inc. myself. You have a lot to feel good about. You're one of the good guys!

Mark

Jimbits76 · 22 April 2009, 01:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa

Jim, some day you really won't miss it. At all.

I had really great therapist back then, a tall, fluffy gay guy who just made me laugh and was the most sensitive and insightful man.... he said, Hey, guess what. Real life can be kind of boring. It's mundane and ordinary much of the time.

So, I accepted that, and guess what happened? I started to notice and enjoy the little things more. I slowed my pace and started looking at what made me happy - nuzzling a baby's head, planting stuff in the garden, enjoying an evening at the park... listening to my kiddos tell some amazing tale....

This is starting to sound corny and trite, but for me, it's all true and has helped calm my soul.

Hey you said that big fluffy gay therapist looked like me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm well over it all now Lisa. I have accepted it and can talk about it. In fact I'm pretty good at the advice to kids and teens bit because I've lived through it (barely).

There are some out there who say it's an illness, some who'd say it's self inflicted and those who live through it deserve what happens to them.
I believe it's a little of both.

It sounds corny but I used to think of the inside of my head as a whirlwind or tornado...a roaring torrent of questions I could never find the answers to and emotional pain.

That used to make me ill.

I found a crutch and got addicted as it calmed the storm. When I found it, the initial hope was that it would kill me and stop the whirlwind for good.
Obviously it didn't but I became dependant and that made things worse.

I wanted ordinary and mundane, I wanted to settle but I always felt like somebody on the outside looking in.

My dependancy and sickness calling me back to be who I truly was and cutting me off from any chance of happiness.

I saw my doc, he had me speak to a couple of people and I had a programme.

I was okay until the slightest little event made it feel like the world was falling down and I relapsed going back to the "old faithful" and starting the cycle again.

I was ashamed and terrified, my family were ashamed and terrified.

Things got worse then got better.

What doesn't kill you huh?

Listen to me, I sound like a drama queen on a Jerry Springer type show...not something the British middle class would want to have to deal with.

Truth is I'm being honest here because it gives you, my friends a chance to see me as I really am and what it took to be me...a bit of a mess but half decent when compared to the idiot I used to be!

J

Carolina · 22 April 2009, 01:39 AM

Jim

We all have our demons (mine was a crappy childhood) and thank goodness we are still here to enjoy some of the fantastic stuff life can bring our way. And the fear thread hits home more than I care to think about.

Maybe Joe does have the right idea. I'd make a good ostrich with my long legs, but I don't have the neck for it!

Jimbits76 · 22 April 2009, 02:52 AM

Thanks C'. You're a doll.

Anyway enough of this melodrama...here's some pic of the boy...

Check out his barnet...I spend a lot of money on hair gunk to get my just got out of bed look...

A boy and his milk are not easily parted..

Excuse the fence and deck on the next pics...I really need to repaint them but can't be bothered...the shame when compared to your fancy old gardens and homes!!!!

J

Carolina · 22 April 2009, 03:04 AM

Cool! I love the ones where William is barefoot next to the brick wall, and you can see that strawberry blond hair! Jim, you're not a redhead, are you?

Jimbits76 · 22 April 2009, 03:09 AM

Nope...got a bit of ginge in my beard.

I started out as really light blond but it's turned mousy as I got out of my teens...same as my eyes were sapphire blue until I was 8 or 9 but they have changed to grey green over the years.

Claire's brother and sister are red, claire is a natural chestnut brown with a hint of red in the right light.

Willy's hair changes from red at the front, top and sides to a light blonde at the back. On his right side (you can just about make it out on the pics) is a patch of this light blonde...almost albino white...it makes it look as though he has a bald patch!

He's off for a haircut (his first proper one) with Claire's stylist on Thursday!

J

Lisa · 22 April 2009, 03:15 AM

What a cute little boy, and looking so much like his daddy. Violet was looking at the pics just now, and saying, "Ooo, little baby. Play outside!"

Carolina · 22 April 2009, 03:16 AM

Oh gosh - post a before and after photo once he gets chopped!

Carolina · 22 April 2009, 03:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa

What a cute little boy, and looking so much like his daddy. Violet was looking at the pics just now, and saying, "Ooo, little baby. Play outside!"

Little V knows a cute little boy when she sees one!

Jimbits76 · 22 April 2009, 03:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa

What a cute little boy, and looking so much like his daddy. Violet was looking at the pics just now, and saying, "Ooo, little baby. Play outside!"

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carolina

Little V knows a cute little boy when she sees one!

Can we set them up in 18 years time.

Might be the first TRF wedding.

At least we'll know what colour the grandkids hair wil be!!!!!!!!!

J

Rockrolex · 22 April 2009, 03:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa

What a cute little boy, and looking so much like his daddy. Violet was looking at the pics just now, and saying, "Ooo, little baby. Play outside!"

Waddya think. Maybe a future match in the making?

Carolina · 22 April 2009, 03:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbits76

Can we set them up in 18 years time.

Might be the first TRF wedding.

At least we'll know what colour the grandkids hair wil be!!!!!!!!!

J

No, I'm thinking it might be the second...

Carolina · 22 April 2009, 03:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockrolex

Waddya think. Maybe a future match in the making?

Ed, you could handle the prenup!!

Lisa · 22 April 2009, 04:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carolina

Ed, you could handle the prenup!!

Well, I'll tell you what. Knowing now who Vi's inlaws will be is a huge and pleasant relief! Can't you just imagine the holiday gatherings? Er, as long as Jim promises not to hemorrhage. And I'll promise not to throw any goblets.

And, Caroline, isn't Madeline going to marry Ronan? Whew, talk about fun inlaws!

redshirt1957 · 22 April 2009, 04:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa

Well, I'll tell you what. Knowing now who Vi's inlaws will be is a huge and pleasant relief! Can't you just imagine the holiday gatherings? Er, as long as Jim promises not to hemorrhage. And I'll promise not to throw any goblets.

And, Caroline, isn't Madeline going to marry Ronan? Whew, talk about fun inlaws!

Are you saying there is a chance, through marriage, I can be realted to Ed.

Now that will be culture shock.

Right now I am having visions of sitting out on the veranda, drinking 15 year old Springbank single malt, talking about world issues with my new daddy.

Lion · 22 April 2009, 05:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa

Well, I'll tell you what. Knowing now who Vi's inlaws will be is a huge and pleasant relief! Can't you just imagine the holiday gatherings? Er, as long as Jim promises not to hemorrhage. And I'll promise not to throw any goblets.

And, Caroline, isn't Madeline going to marry Ronan? Whew, talk about fun inlaws!

You all have renewed my faith in mankind and parenting is not easy. Just when you think you have your kids figured out they will throw you a curve ball. Growing up isn't easy and can cause people to melt down. I did a lot of drugs in the 60's and early 70's and figured this kept me from growing insane. Or assisted me in being crazy in a good kind of way and kept me out of depression. Today, I can be off the wall and have fun without worrying about consequences!!!

Carolina · 22 April 2009, 05:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa

Well, I'll tell you what. Knowing now who Vi's inlaws will be is a huge and pleasant relief! Can't you just imagine the holiday gatherings? Er, as long as Jim promises not to hemorrhage. And I'll promise not to throw any goblets.

And, Caroline, isn't Madeline going to marry Ronan? Whew, talk about fun inlaws!

Ah yes! And you know, June is a darling young lady. I have a cute and cuddly 6 year old little boy... just sayin'!!

Lion · 22 April 2009, 05:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carolina

Ah yes! And you know, June is a darling young lady. I have a cute and cuddly 6 year old little boy... just sayin'!!

Okay, are you guys hitting the sauce a little early today???

away36 · 22 April 2009, 05:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carolina

No worries! This is rather out of character for me, but it's fun to give them a little break sometimes. They are only 6 and 8, and will probably remember this afternoon more so than whatever it is their teacher had planned for that last hour of school!

Oh good grief. I thought you were taking the WHOLE DAY OFF to go for ice cream!

Lion · 22 April 2009, 06:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by away36

Oh good grief. I thought you were taking the WHOLE DAY OFF to go for ice cream!

Nancy, you are killing me now I have to stop laughing!!!

away36 · 22 April 2009, 06:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa

I take Zoloft for depression and have taken similar meds (selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors) for about 14 years. It keeps me from breaking glassware and murdering my husband.

My youngest son has been taking meds for depression since he was 16. He's 31 now. Actually....either he IS on Zoloft or that was that last one he took before the doc changed him to something else.

Carolina · 22 April 2009, 06:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by away36

Oh good grief. I thought you were taking the WHOLE DAY OFF to go for ice cream!

Oh brother, Nancy! Now I see why you didn't say anything! Why didn't you just tell me I was a goofball?!?

We went around twice and got two cones - the kids were in heaven! There were some homeschool kids in front of us, and they must have gotten there right at noon - the boys were on their eighth cone!

away36 · 22 April 2009, 06:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carolina

Why didn't you just tell me I was a goofball?!?

Oh! Sorry Caroline. I just assumed you already knew!

Glad the you and the kids had fun!!!

away36 · 22 April 2009, 06:17 AM

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the pics Jim!!! That little guy looks like he has a great personality! Just like his dad, I say!!!!

22 April 2009, 01:39 AM	#6009
Carolina "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: North Carolina Watch: it, Bubba! Posts: 6,271	Jim We all have our demons (mine was a crappy childhood) and thank goodness we are still here to enjoy some of the fantastic stuff life can bring our way. And the fear thread hits home more than I care to think about. Maybe Joe does have the right idea. I'd make a good ostrich with my long legs, but I don't have the neck for it! __________________ . .Member #5380 .

22 April 2009, 03:04 AM	#6011
Carolina "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: North Carolina Watch: it, Bubba! Posts: 6,271	Cool! I love the ones where William is barefoot next to the brick wall, and you can see that strawberry blond hair! Jim, you're not a redhead, are you? __________________ . .Member #5380 .

22 April 2009, 03:16 AM	#6014
Carolina "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: North Carolina Watch: it, Bubba! Posts: 6,271	Oh gosh - post a before and after photo once he gets chopped! __________________ . .Member #5380 .

22 April 2009, 12:46 AM	#6006
Lisa "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: oklahoma city Posts: 15,741	Jim, some day you really won't miss it. At all. I had really great therapist back then, a tall, fluffy gay guy who just made me laugh and was the most sensitive and insightful man.... he said, Hey, guess what. Real life can be kind of boring. It's mundane and ordinary much of the time. So, I accepted that, and guess what happened? I started to notice and enjoy the little things more. I slowed my pace and started looking at what made me happy - nuzzling a baby's head, planting stuff in the garden, enjoying an evening at the park... listening to my kiddos tell some amazing tale.... This is starting to sound corny and trite, but for me, it's all true and has helped calm my soul.

22 April 2009, 12:57 AM	#6007
ob1 Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Real Name: Mark Location: canterbury Watch: new pussycat? Posts: 635	I had a pretty mis-spent youth too Jim and some of my close friends suffered similarly to you. Is my life as 'exciting' as it was then, probably not but time passes and you realise that you aren't gonna be young forever. You've turned your life around, done the hard bit already. You have a loving family, a good job, and many friends from around the world and uk. You have done lots of good things for people on TRF inc. myself. You have a lot to feel good about. You're one of the good guys! Mark

22 April 2009, 02:52 AM	#6010
Jimbits76 "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: UK Posts: 9,407	Thanks C'. You're a doll. Anyway enough of this melodrama...here's some pic of the boy... Check out his barnet...I spend a lot of money on hair gunk to get my just got out of bed look... A boy and his milk are not easily parted.. Excuse the fence and deck on the next pics...I really need to repaint them but can't be bothered...the shame when compared to your fancy old gardens and homes!!!! J

22 April 2009, 03:09 AM	#6012
Jimbits76 "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: UK Posts: 9,407	Nope...got a bit of ginge in my beard. I started out as really light blond but it's turned mousy as I got out of my teens...same as my eyes were sapphire blue until I was 8 or 9 but they have changed to grey green over the years. Claire's brother and sister are red, claire is a natural chestnut brown with a hint of red in the right light. Willy's hair changes from red at the front, top and sides to a light blonde at the back. On his right side (you can just about make it out on the pics) is a patch of this light blonde...almost albino white...it makes it look as though he has a bald patch! He's off for a haircut (his first proper one) with Claire's stylist on Thursday! J

22 April 2009, 03:15 AM	#6013
Lisa "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: oklahoma city Posts: 15,741	What a cute little boy, and looking so much like his daddy. Violet was looking at the pics just now, and saying, "Ooo, little baby. Play outside!"

22 April 2009, 06:17 AM	#6030
away36 "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Real Name: Nancy Location: Canada Watch: Vintage Rolex Posts: 3,178	LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the pics Jim!!! That little guy looks like he has a great personality! Just like his dad, I say!!!!

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