Girls Coffeeshop Talk

[Carolina]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Okay, experienced moms and dads, and luscious slugs, too: I'm still beating this horse about that little girl and her lying to me yesterday. Her dishonesty is one thing, but telling my almost-6 year old to lie to cover for her is another thing.

If this had happend at your house, how stern would you have gotten with this little girl when you knew she was lying and telling your own kid to lie? Would you have told her mom about it?

If I found out after the fact, as I think you did, I wouldn't bother telling the mom unless this is a relationship you intend to continue (w/child or mother).
If it happened during the playdate, as it has at my house, I would address the house rules with all children. Joe made a good point earlier, and we do this as well - my house, my rules.

As far as June goes - I would use this as a teaching moment (and this situation has happened at my home as well). I've discussed the incident with my kids, and talked about how our "family rules" may be different than others'. I've also used it as a moment to discuss compassion with the child. Why do you think your friend felt the need to act that way? What would have been a better way to act? How would their mom/dad feel about it? Perhaps the other child was having a bad day. Maybe she acts that way because she's upset that her mom can't spend time with her the way your mom does... etc.

I find it easy to use this as a family bonding moment: What are our family's rules, and why do we have them?

Hope you don't think this is too crazy, but that is how I usually handle things.

[jdc]

Originally Posted by Carolina

Joe made a good point earlier,- my house, my rules.

now there's a recipe for chaos and disaster - girls beware

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by Carolina

If I found out after the fact, as I think you did, I wouldn't bother telling the mom unless this is a relationship you intend to continue (w/child or mother).
If it happened during the playdate, as it has at my house, I would address the house rules with all children. Joe made a good point earlier, and we do this as well - my house, my rules.

As far as June goes - I would use this as a teaching moment (and this situation has happened at my home as well). I've discussed the incident with my kids, and talked about how our "family rules" may be different than others'. I've also used it as a moment to discuss compassion with the child. Why do you think your friend felt the need to act that way? What would have been a better way to act? How would their mom/dad feel about it? Perhaps the other child was having a bad day. Maybe she acts that way because she's upset that her mom can't spend time with her the way your mom does... etc.

I find it easy to use this as a family bonding moment: What are our family's rules, and why do we have them?

Hope you don't think this is too crazy, but that is how I usually handle things.

I shall endeavor to heed your advice, Caroline. The way we guide our kids to deal with others early on lays the groundwork for how they deal with difficult personalities throughout life. I know my own weaknesses - my tendency to see all as black or white (as in thinking: we will never deal with this kid again!) but I've got to do better for my own girls and sometimes need some direction. Even today, if I have to cross paths with someone who raises my hackles, my gut reaction is to either avoid them completely or confront them in anger - neither is very constructive.

[Carolina]

Silly, it is easy for me to give you advice from a distance, as I am completely removed from the situation.

I never said that I wouldn't be ticked off as all heck with that mom, though. I'd probably just smile and avoid her. I've learned the hard way that many other parents don't necessarily want to hear anything negative about their child. But in my own circle of friends, we have agreed to let each other know when someone is acting up.

[Carolina]

Originally Posted by jdc

now there's a recipe for chaos and disaster - girls beware

[away36]

Originally Posted by Carolina

If I found out after the fact, as I think you did, I wouldn't bother telling the mom unless this is a relationship you intend to continue (w/child or mother).
If it happened during the playdate, as it has at my house, I would address the house rules with all children. Joe made a good point earlier, and we do this as well - my house, my rules.

As far as June goes - I would use this as a teaching moment (and this situation has happened at my home as well). I've discussed the incident with my kids, and talked about how our "family rules" may be different than others'. I've also used it as a moment to discuss compassion with the child. Why do you think your friend felt the need to act that way? What would have been a better way to act? How would their mom/dad feel about it? Perhaps the other child was having a bad day. Maybe she acts that way because she's upset that her mom can't spend time with her the way your mom does... etc.

I find it easy to use this as a family bonding moment: What are our family's rules, and why do we have them?

Hope you don't think this is too crazy, but that is how I usually handle things.

Caroline.....this is almost verbatim what I was thinking of posting to Lisa!

[Jimbits76]

Originally Posted by unclesallie

hi Lisa: we talked about you all day long in Louisville!!

Oi what about old Jimbits!!!!

You know what they say, any publicity is good publicity!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope you're having a good break Dan!

J

[Carolina]

Originally Posted by away36

Caroline.....this is almost verbatim what I was thinking of posting to Lisa!

Sheesh, Nancy - that's a compliment!!

[Lion]

Lisa, as stated your house your rules period. Sit down with hubby discuss your ideas come up with a game plan and follow through. Discuss the rules with your children so they know the limits and then each visiting child is given the rules to know what is acceptable behavior. If a guest breaks the rules call their parents to come get them immediately and when they arrive explain to them the situation and the house rules. Also your children need to know that punishment can be given for their breaking of the rules as well.
I'm a very laid back person but never did want to see my child taken advantage of or tolerate unruly guests!!!

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by Lion

Lisa, as stated your house your rules period. Sit down with hubby discuss your ideas come up with a game plan and follow through. Discuss the rules with your children so they know the limits and then each visiting child is given the rules to know what is acceptable behavior. If a guest breaks the rules call their parents to come get them immediately and when they arrive explain to them the situation and the house rules. Also your children need to know that punishment can be given for their breaking of the rules as well.
I'm a very laid back person but never did want to see my child taken advantage of or tolerate unruly guests!!!

Thank you, Leo, and all you guys. I probably should have had Mom come to get her, but I knew she was still at work and I was just a wimp - kept thinking I was over-reacting... I've learned a lot these past two days! I've just never had to be firm with Phoebe's friends this way, and June has just now begun to have play dates. Her other little buddies have been wonderful guests. Whew!

[Carolina]

Lisa, I'm curious. What did Phoebe have to say about this? She seems to be such an insightful little kid.


p.s. - don't feel bad - I wouldn't have called the mom, either. It has to be a severe offense for me to deal with that sort of confrontation.

I think one of my most uncomfortable kid situations was when one bratty little girl was rude and snotty right to my face - and her dad was sitting there 2 feet away (and did nothing about it)! I snapped a reprimand at her out of instinct. I then apologized to her dad, who is a friend of hubby, for correcting her in his place (heh-even though he wouldn't have, anyway). For the record, he is an egomaniac who always thinks he is right, and he is raising his daughter in his image.

Needless to say, she hasn't been invited over in a couple of years, and I am excellent at the creative excuses.

[unclesallie]

Originally Posted by Jimbits76

Oi what about old Jimbits!!!!

You know what they say, any publicity is good publicity!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope you're having a good break Dan!

J

well, old Jim Boy 66, you dinna wanna know !
something about dresses and you and Bubba, but hey.......

[unclesallie]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Hi, Dan. No wonder my ears were burning! I thought I was just all het up over that bratty girl who terrorized my happy home!

Hope you had a good time regardless of - or despite! - the subject matter. Are there any pictures?

well there's quite a few, and i'll post them after work on monday....i've been watching your 'drama' unfold, and don't know what to say..it's always a problem, but if a child under my care and custody acts out or up, i just let em know from the 'gitgo that trouble is sure to flow and that they're parents will be informed promptly...that usually does it right away. but each situation is unique with its own PITA* moments. good luck!

*(pain in the a$$)


enjoy your weekend!
best,
dan

[away36]

When kids were just refreshingly cute......

http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/...inkletter.html

[Lion]

Lisa, I apoligize for putting in my ten cents and giving advise before I asked for your permission. I know you will work through your situation with wit and style so good luck on future play dates!!!

[abigsecret]

I still have a job! Now I wish I would have a life too...........
Good night!

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by Lion

Lisa, I apoligize for putting in my ten cents and giving advise before I asked for your permission. I know you will work through your situation with wit and style so good luck on future play dates!!!

Oh, don't be silly. You've raised your kids well and know what you're talking about. I'm asking advice from everybody - I process everything and learn from every single person's post.

Caroline, you had asked what Phoebe thought of all this - but we haven't had the chance to talk about it - she left that same afternoon for a dad/daughter weekend camping trip at the same campsite the third grade attended last month! It's the first time she and Dave have ever done anything like this, and I'm so glad they'll have some time together, and that Phoebe will get to experience some of the things she missed with her class.

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by abigsecret

I still have a job! Now I wish I would have a life too...........
Good night!

Congrats, M. Of course you still have a job! I bet they love you as much as we do! Hmmm... as far as having a life - do you mean that vague, distant thing that got replaced by diaper changes, feedings, sleepless nights and general baby stuff?

[East Bay Rider]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Congrats, M. Of course you still have a job! I bet they love you as much as we do! Hmmm... as far as having a life - do you mean that vague, distant thing that got replaced by diaper changes, feedings, sleepless nights and general baby stuff?

You're more than a mom. You're a wife and a woman too.

[Lion]

Morning all, just sitting down to a cup of coffee at this foreign computer that works very poorly in the lobby of the hotel. Later we will be staying at my Brother in law's house and they have a MAC!!! YEAH!!!

[away36]

Originally Posted by Lion

Morning all, just sitting down to a cup of coffee at this foreign computer that works very poorly in the lobby of the hotel. Later we will be staying at my Brother in law's house and they have a MAC!!! YEAH!!!

Mornin' Leo. Just sitting here playing at the computer. It's a long weekend here so I'm in "holiday" mode......in other words....goofing off a bit!! I hear laundry screaming my name and there's dust on my living room tables, but I'm not quite in that head space yet. I think another coffee is in order! Hope your day is a great one!

[Lion]

Originally Posted by away36

Mornin' Leo. Just sitting here playing at the computer. It's a long weekend here so I'm in "holiday" mode......in other words....goofing off a bit!! I hear laundry screaming my name and there's dust on my living room tables, but I'm not quite in that head space yet. I think another coffee is in order! Hope your day is a great one!

Morning Nancy, I'm down in Little Rock AR"KANSAS" for my niece's wedding and having a chance to visit with my son. Wedding yesterday was fun, the bride looked fantastic and it's great to be alive. Even though this computer sucks I have had a chance to read through a few posts!!!

[Jimbits76]

Just a few pics of our recent coastal visit for those who were interested...























J

[Lisa]

Jim - fabulous! I love the black and white shots, but that red hair is so worthy of the color ones! Just want to scoop him up and give him a big hug and a smooch.

[East Bay Rider]

What a cool little guy. He looks like he's having fun.

[Lion]

Jim, great PICS of William at the beach. Keepem' coming!!!
How about PICS of you also.....

[away36]

LOVE those pics!! Every time I see pics of William, I hope even more that my new grandbaby that's coming in September is a boy!!! What a darling little boy William is. I can easily imagine how much joy he brings you! How about some FAMILY pics so we can see you ALL!!!

[mailman]

Originally Posted by Jimbits76

Just a few pics of our recent coastal visit for those who were interested...























J

Beautiful my friend, just beautiful

[Jimbits76]

Cheers guys

Jim

[Carolina]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Oh, don't be silly. You've raised your kids well and know what you're talking about. I'm asking advice from everybody - I process everything and learn from every single person's post.

Caroline, you had asked what Phoebe thought of all this - but we haven't had the chance to talk about it - she left that same afternoon for a dad/daughter weekend camping trip at the same campsite the third grade attended last month! It's the first time she and Dave have ever done anything like this, and I'm so glad they'll have some time together, and that Phoebe will get to experience some of the things she missed with her class.

Rats, I was thinking that she might have been around when this happened - sibling input can be useful, and can change the dynamics of things. But - what a fantastic weekend for her!