Girls Coffeeshop Talk

[chicfarmer1]

Superbo, Shannon. Nothing is more classic and timeless.

[Lisa]

Good grief! How does a bag stay in that kind of condition for 30 years? I beat mine to death. Yes, it is lovely.

[Andelain]

OK, I got to catch up on this thread. You ladies are talking about Rolexes and nice bags now! I like both.

[Peppers90]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Good grief! How does a bag stay in that kind of condition for 30 years? I beat mine to death. Yes, it is lovely.

This purse, probably not used much by the previous owner- I definitely
don't use it when my kids are around! Most of my other bags take a beating too.

I posted my watch over in the general discussion thread- I'm glad
people are responding- didn't know how my ladies' watch would go over with
all the guys.
I have two ADs close by, been trying on the Daytona. Geez, Rolexes
are as addicting as purses and shoes!! Where is the rehab LoL ;)

[Lisa]

Mini rant - why do parents of third graders find it necessary to book their kids' schedules so fully that there is not ONE DAY of the week that they can meet a friend for a play date? Doesn't cultivating a simple friendship count for anything anymore? Or is it all Baseball! Soccer! Gymnastics! Piano lessons! Private tutor! Anything to get ahead... gotta be Number One...

Thank you. That is all.

[Lion]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Mini rant - why do parents of third graders find it necessary to book their kids' schedules so fully that there is not ONE DAY of the week that they can meet a friend for a play date? Doesn't cultivating a simple friendship count for anything anymore? Or is it all Baseball! Soccer! Gymnastics! Piano lessons! Private tutor! Anything to get ahead... gotta be Number One...

Thank you. That is all.

Lisa...kickback and drink a four pack of Mike's and your perspective will change!!!

[Peppers90]

I do see what you are talking about Lisa.
Parents often cancel their children's doctor and dentist
appts because of activities. I mean can't little Johnny miss one day
of soccer to go get his teeth cleaned???

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by Lion

Lisa...kickback and drink a four pack of Mike's and your perspective will change!!!

Seriously, though, this is kind of sad. My nearly-nine year old, who is sweet and quiet, came home from school beaming because a little boy had asked if they could be friends again and play together after school. They were inseparable in first and second grade, but had different teachers this year and rarely saw one another. So it was very sweet that he found her on the playground and asked to have a get-together. After talking to his mom today, who said the best she could do was "stay in touch" in case something opened up in his schedule, I guess I'll have to tell June a play date with him just isn't possible.

Probably all sounds pretty goofy, but I think some kids are hardly given any time to just be kids any more.

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by Peppers90

I do see what you are talking about Lisa.
Parents often cancel their children's doctor and dentist
appts because of activities. I mean can't little Johnny miss one day
of soccer to go get his teeth cleaned???

Ugh. Tell me about it. I've sat in our orthodontist's waiting room and overheard parents trying to get a followup appointment scheduled for their kid. I'm all for having well-rounded kids who are involved in activities they enjoy, but sometimes it's almost as though the parents are pushing them to "achieve, achieve, achieve!" As if down time isn't worth it.

I mean, do these kids ever get the chance to just lie in the grass and look at bugs, or clouds? Have they ever planted a flower? Ever sat and drawn pictures? Ever spent the evening after supper running through sprinklers?

Or play with a little friend who misses them?

[chicfarmer1]

For creative people, and maybe any people, time is the best gift. How can you mull, dream, imagine, if you're being shuttled around like a transplant organ packed in ice. Overscheduling is a bad cultural habit, in my opinion, and furthermore it's just as likely to cause family stress--and the repercussions of that--as have lasting benefits. It also teaches the lessons of great dependence and restricted ability to choose one's own pleasures.

Play...remember when that was considered learning?

[Peppers90]

I know, it's like way too much schedules for these kids anymore. Seems like all parties
involved are miserable. I like the French style better!! Low key with emphasis on family--

Lisa- what do you think of my watch?

[Lisa]

Glad you guys understand. Even the school had made an effort to discourage "overbooking." They recommend one outside activity each year. Shoot, the homework alone takes up much of every evening, for the middle schoolers at least. I really don't know how these families do manage their time. Like you so eloquently state, J, there is a price to pay.

[Peppers90]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Glad you guys understand. Even the school had made an effort to discourage "overbooking." They recommend one outside activity each year. Shoot, the homework alone takes up much of every evening, for the middle schoolers at least. I really don't know how these families do manage their time. Like you so eloquently state, J, there is a price to pay.

Thanks for your comment on my watch, Lisa. This is the perfect size for work and for dress. Now, on to save for a Man's Rolex

I just posted over in the "SWAG" thread, can't wait to see the response

[Lisa]

Shannon, you must have a teensy wrist, because that 31mm looks like a full 34 or 36mm from most women's wrist shots I've seen.

Swag, you say? Off to check...

[Peppers90]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Shannon, you must have a teensy wrist, because that 31mm looks like a full 34 or 36mm from most women's wrist shots I've seen.

Swag, you say? Off to check...

Lisa, I do have small wrists. I had to get two links taken out of both my Rolexes and they are still a little loose. Kids are waking up from naps now gotta go, will check in later (it is 4:30p here, not 6am!)

[Lion]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Ugh. Tell me about it. I've sat in our orthodontist's waiting room and overheard parents trying to get a followup appointment scheduled for their kid. I'm all for having well-rounded kids who are involved in activities they enjoy, but sometimes it's almost as though the parents are pushing them to "achieve, achieve, achieve!" As if down time isn't worth it.

I mean, do these kids ever get the chance to just lie in the grass and look at bugs, or clouds? Have they ever planted a flower? Ever sat and drawn pictures? Ever spent the evening after supper running through sprinklers?

Or play with a little friend who misses them?

Lisa, maybe possibly with many households where both parents work all day outside the home(and I do not mean in the garden...)they feel since they are missing out on watching their kids grow up they feel guilty and to make up have their kids in all kinds of activities from sports to musical instrument lessons!!!
You know keep the children busy and occupied so they do not get into trouble...I'd rather spend time in the lawn/grass...looking for four leaf clovers!!!

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by Lion

Lisa, maybe possibly with many households where both parents work all day outside the home(and I do not mean in the garden...)they feel since they are missing out on watching their kids grow up they feel guilty and to make up have their kids in all kinds of activities from sports to musical instrument lessons!!!
You know keep the children busy and occupied so they do not get into trouble...I'd rather spend time in the lawn/grass...looking for four leaf clovers!!!

Funny you should mention four-leaf clovers - Violet is a pro at finding those. We don't know how she does it.

Thing is with many of these moms, Leo - they are full time moms. They just spend all of this time carting their kids from thing to thing, in a half-frenzy!

[East Bay Rider]

Don't knock it 'til you try it...
That's how it was/is with Ethan. I can only speak for us and how we coped.
Lisa, You practically know Ethan. This is just how it was with him. Other families might be different.
When he was younger he played little league baseball (reg season, playoffs, all stars, tournament, fall ball) from April through October. Loved it.
Town soccer September through November and competitive soccer September through June (winter=indoor). Loved it.
Invitational soccer from the next town over. Loved it, except the wishy washy coach - kids can tell)
YMCA basketball
Karate year round. Obviously loved it - teaches now.
Was it me, his parent, pushing him to do any of this? Heck no. I'm into cars and bikes. I never gave a darn about sports. He became so obsessed with sports that I had to follow along. I had to learn to coach. I had to drive him all over the state to play each week.
Ok, I did encourage him with the karate. We practiced together at night. It was fun too. I have pretty firm beliefs regarding protecting oneself. Still it was never a fight to get him to attend class or practice and he never wanted to quit. I only mention it because I was glad he pursued that sport and I didn't care about the others.
Anyway... The point is that yeah, the scheduling can be a nightmare and it feels like it never stops. Different sports coaches conflicting schedules, the driving and eating on the run.
But here's the thing. It's fun. When one kid goes home to look at the grass, the other goes off to run around with 11 more friends. When one kid looks at bugs the other is playing with new friends on another team, learning teamwork, peer skills, and different authority besides just Mom and Dad. And, by the same token, while baseball and soccer are always playing on a team, the karate encourages individual achievement, among other things.
But the simple fact (with us) is that he asked. He asked to play more and more. We didn't set a rule of only activity per season. We didn't see a need to. We also allowed it because his grades were good and he seemed to be having fun. It certainly wasn't what I wanted to do with my afternoons. LOL
A lot of people don't get it. I guess they expect me to tell him 'No' but I didn't see a reason to. My father, for example, is nature-guy. He wants my son to like the woods and kayaking and hiking and bicycling. He tells him of some of his trips and says things like "You would love it." Ethan tells me later and rolls his eyes.
Sorry Man, it's just not him. My son has ZERO interest in climbing a mountain or watching a spider make a nest. Seems strange to me. I've done all those things and found them interesting at the time.
Personally I wanted him to like cars and motorcycles and racing.
It's just not him.
He never did. Not even as a little kid. He likes rules. He likes boundaries. He likes right and wrong. He likes referees and umpires. Everyone plays the same game. Orderly.
That's him.
Strange? To some but he's comfortable. He' comfortable with a schedule and a location.
Now, that's not to say that he never had free time - he did. Plenty of it and he spent a lot of hours with his Xbox too. But like I said he got to play with 10+ real kids every day after school or after supper. Nothing wrong with that.
So, not better or worse, just another perspective that maybe hadn't been considered.
Again - that's just our story.

[Lisa]

I hoped you would weigh in, Bill. As always thoughtfully worded and your perspective makes complete sense to me. I know Ethan is an excellent athlete and all around great kid...but I've wondered this before and I'm going to just straight up ask you: how the heck does he get his school work done? Does his work suffer for all of his activities?

[East Bay Rider]

Good morning Lisa,
No his schoolwork never suffered? Obviously school and grades come first. Elementary school is easy enough. He got some kind of award in MS for getting straight A's all through, and he's in all honors courses in HS - mostly B's.
Figure practices (especially at a Pre HS level) only last for 1 to 1-1/2 hours at most, often after supper if it's warm, 1 or 2 times/week - not including games.
HS practices every day, each season.
That gives the child plenty of time to come home, snack, homework, drive parents crazy before going out and playing, erm I mean Practicing, with his buddies. If you're lucky they go to bed tired. LOL
For Ethan the hardest thing was getting him enough hours of keep. He's a still big sleeper; even naps on weekends sometimes. Our thing was/is to get him at least 10 hrs each night.
So yeah, overall the child is having the best time of their life with their buddies and the parent is going nuts figuring out how to make it all happen, and hopefully, teaching the child to learn how to schedule/plan themselves.
Still working on that one.

[Peppers90]

Originally Posted by East Bay Rider

Don't knock it 'til you try it...
That's how it was/is with Ethan. I can only speak for us and how we coped.
Lisa, You practically know Ethan. This is just how it was with him. Other families might be different.
When he was younger he played little league baseball (reg season, playoffs, all stars, tournament, fall ball) from April through October. Loved it.
Town soccer September through November and competitive soccer September through June (winter=indoor). Loved it.
Invitational soccer from the next town over. Loved it, except the wishy washy coach - kids can tell)
YMCA basketball
Karate year round. Obviously loved it - teaches now.
Was it me, his parent, pushing him to do any of this? Heck no. I'm into cars and bikes. I never gave a darn about sports. He became so obsessed with sports that I had to follow along. I had to learn to coach. I had to drive him all over the state to play each week.
Ok, I did encourage him with the karate. We practiced together at night. It was fun too. I have pretty firm beliefs regarding protecting oneself. Still it was never a fight to get him to attend class or practice and he never wanted to quit. I only mention it because I was glad he pursued that sport and I didn't care about the others.
Anyway... The point is that yeah, the scheduling can be a nightmare and it feels like it never stops. Different sports coaches conflicting schedules, the driving and eating on the run.
But here's the thing. It's fun. When one kid goes home to look at the grass, the other goes off to run around with 11 more friends. When one kid looks at bugs the other is playing with new friends on another team, learning teamwork, peer skills, and different authority besides just Mom and Dad. And, by the same token, while baseball and soccer are always playing on a team, the karate encourages individual achievement, among other things.
But the simple fact (with us) is that he asked. He asked to play more and more. We didn't set a rule of only activity per season. We didn't see a need to. We also allowed it because his grades were good and he seemed to be having fun. It certainly wasn't what I wanted to do with my afternoons. LOL
A lot of people don't get it. I guess they expect me to tell him 'No' but I didn't see a reason to. My father, for example, is nature-guy. He wants my son to like the woods and kayaking and hiking and bicycling. He tells him of some of his trips and says things like "You would love it." Ethan tells me later and rolls his eyes.
Sorry Man, it's just not him. My son has ZERO interest in climbing a mountain or watching a spider make a nest. Seems strange to me. I've done all those things and found them interesting at the time.
Personally I wanted him to like cars and motorcycles and racing.
It's just not him.
He never did. Not even as a little kid. He likes rules. He likes boundaries. He likes right and wrong. He likes referees and umpires. Everyone plays the same game. Orderly.
That's him.
Strange? To some but he's comfortable. He' comfortable with a schedule and a location.
Now, that's not to say that he never had free time - he did. Plenty of it and he spent a lot of hours with his Xbox too. But like I said he got to play with 10+ real kids every day after school or after supper. Nothing wrong with that.
So, not better or worse, just another perspective that maybe hadn't been considered.
Again - that's just our story.

Wow! I give you a lot of credit! You and your wife sound very organized.
I'm glad I only have two kids ;). How do families with 4 kids do it???

[Lion]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Funny you should mention four-leaf clovers - Violet is a pro at finding those. We don't know how she does it.

Thing is with many of these moms, Leo - they are full time moms. They just spend all of this time carting their kids from thing to thing, in a half-frenzy!

Do they own minivans??? LOL...

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by Peppers90

Wow! I give you a lot of credit! You and your wife sound very organized.
I'm glad I only have two kids ;). How do families with 4 kids do it???

I think that's key, Shannon... being organized and focused. Which I am neither.

[Lion]

I know I grew up in a different era(the 1960's)and there were not the organized sports(there was only Boy's Baseball) and activities like there is today. We also didn't have computers or gaming systems to keep us sedentary and inside and the TV was a 19" in black and white and no remote. You actually had to get up and turn the knob to change stations and we didn't have cable TV or satellite TV. Btw there was also only 7 channels and we lived in the south suburbs of Chicago. But we did keep busy from sun up to sun down...especially in the spring, summer and fall...We played sandlot baseball in the spring and summer and sandlot football in the fall. We rode our bikes everyday for miles upon miles and went swimming in the summer. We barely remembered to eat lunch and dinner as we had to be shagged in to eat by our Mom's. In almost all households the Mom's were stay at home Mom's and we ate better because the food was not all processed crap and our Mom's prepared meals everyday. As for eating out it was almost non existent as we had a couple of drive-ins and McDonalds and ate out about 3 times a year. In the winter we played outside in the snow and ice skated to keep busy. During the school year we were encouraged to play outside first and after dinner was the time set aside to do homework. If we finished before bath and bedtime then we were allowed to watch TV and did before going to bed.....

To clarify...there is no right or wrong way to raise the children just differences in how the generations have evolved. Today most parents work and have a job outside the home, fast food is prevalent and become a staple and the weekends are spent catching up, doing errands and cleaning the house. Children are encouraged to stay busy which is a good thing because the one's who don't have a better chance of becoming obese and sedentary. Children do learn at an increased rate compared to when I was a child as there are computers, cable TV news and the subject matter learned in school is accelerated!!!

So get outside go for a walk in the woods or ride your bicycle to who knows where but remember to have fun and enjoy your life and be happy!!!

[Peppers90]

Anyone have anything special planned this weekend??

[chicfarmer1]

Hi Shannon,
I get to cook a feast for friends. It will be a Mediterranean menu, based around my homegrown lamb. So I get my kitchen time that I really enjoy. What's up your way?

[Peppers90]

Originally Posted by chicfarmer1

Hi Shannon,
I get to cook a feast for friends. It will be a Mediterranean menu, based around my homegrown lamb. So I get my kitchen time that I really enjoy. What's up your way?

Wow that sounds delicious! How many are you expecting?

My husband had minor surgery today, you know the kind that prevents you from having more children~ so I will be taking care of him. I have to say it was his idea (he doesn't want any more kids) and he is doing quite well. Said it didn't hurt much at all. Just needs to take it easy for the weekend. Only bad thing is that he can't lift the kids for a week! Good grief, I had two c sections and drove around and gave baths the same day I was discharged....but that's women for ya tough as nails!!

[chicfarmer1]

I can just imagine the guys on this forum reading this and saying to themselves "ouch!" Yes, we ladies have a different constitution, or so it seems.

Just a small group here for the meal, 6 total. Better spruce up the house too...it's been rather wet and muddy around here.

[Lisa]

So true, ladies... with baby having, there's zero down time... and if you have more than one you've still gotta chase after that one... we know we're tough!

Shannon, good for your husband. I was so tired of having to always manage the BC issues - side effects, risks, etc... but he absolutely refuses to even consider a little snip snip. Pfft. What a baby.

J, your dinner sounds fabulous. How are you going to prepare the lamb? I know little about Med. style cooking... save for a vague impression that there are grape leaves and feta cheese involved. Oh, and olive oil.

[cecilia]

Your dinner sounds just great, have a lovely evening. Iam spending my weekend and next week at our summer house, not doing mutch i guess. Boring stuff like you all know, cleaning:) being all by me self and a glas of wine and a cigar :) good for you that your hubby took the decision to have a little snip. I have also tryed to get my other half to get one but there is a big no to that one:) told him some time ago, until you make an appointment at the clinic, there will not be any party in our bedroom;) have a great weekend all you ladies.