Girls Coffeeshop Talk

[Incurable]

Speaking of parenting skills... I have the ultimate respect for my grandmother in that department. She was the perfect model of 'firm but fair'. My mother, I could 'work' all day long, not so with gram. If you had chores to do, you flat did them before you went out and played. If you tried to argue the point, she was incontrovertible. She would firmly explain that EVERYBODY has chores to do and I was no different. The longer I sat there and tried to argue the point, the longer it would be before I could go see my friends. Somehow, at the end of things, not only did I do the work but felt like a fool for arguing them in the first place. I never once felt she was mean or cruel, just unarguably practical and... well, RIGHT. Gram wasn't always the most popular person throughout her life but her strength and conviction was an inspiration and served as a role model for me. Born in 1905 and a product of her era (depression, etc.) she was a jewel. I miss her often but I think part of her lives on in me. Compared to today's PC parenting stuff, hers was old-world and based on reality, not this foo-foo crap I see today. Love doesn't mean spoiling your kids, in fact quite the opposite. Character doesn't grow on trees, you earn it. Anyways.. don't get me going on the parenting skills thing. I'm not one but I see it every day at the grocery stores, in people's homes etc. I was in the store the other day and a young mother was admonishing her son (maybe 4-5) by telling him,"You're exhibiting inappropriate behavior!!...", WTH??? Someone's been reading too many books...

[East Bay Rider]

Originally Posted by Elaine

...
THEN

the guy went on a rant !!!!!!! badgering us with questions like : are you sure you have a friend ? we replied yes of course

"if you have a friend, where is he then ?"
we said he is in the washroom and coming out soon.

the stupid guy went on saying " well, if he is here, he should be sitting here and not going to the bathroom"

My blood was starting to boil and i asked him " is there anything wrong with going to the washroom ?" he said " yes of course. it is totally wrong "

and to top things off he threw a piece of tissue onto the table and said :" tats what i think of the situation bitch"

i blew my top and told him to F@#% Off ......

really got my blood boiling this stupid guy !!!!!

There's a name for people like that.
I have a VERY low tolerance for belligerent jerks and they always get me riled up. Giving him the beating he was asking for wouldn't have been ladylike of course but surely a well timed bump as you passed or knocking his table or head with your purse could have driven the message home.
Karma gets everyone sooner or later.

[Elaine]

Originally Posted by East Bay Rider

There's a name for people like that.
I have a VERY low tolerance for belligerent jerks and they always get me riled up. Giving him the beating he was asking for wouldn't have been ladylike of course but surely a well timed bump as you passed or knocking his table or head with your purse could have driven the message home.
Karma gets everyone sooner or later.

yea i totally agree ... he will get what he deserves sooner or later.

at least i am proud to say that i did not take it lying own and let him walk over me !!!!

wahahahahaha

[Carolina]

Originally Posted by Elaine

yea i totally agree ... he will get what he deserves sooner or later.

at least i am proud to say that i did not take it lying own and let him walk over me !!!!

wahahahahaha

[Elaine]

Originally Posted by Carolina

yea boy ....

i dont let others walk all over me if i can help it .....

maybe i am too much like a guy ??!!!

wahahahahaha

[abigsecret]

Good job Elaine, you made me proud!

[Elaine]

Originally Posted by abigsecret

Good job Elaine, you made me proud!

morning !!!

thanks for listening to me rant !!!!!!

[Lisa]

Elaine, you are one bad-ass woman!

[Elaine]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Elaine, you are one bad-ass woman!

hiya Lisa

nah ..... me just too straight forward for my own good ha ha !

one of my ex boyfriends said that i am the most ballsy person he ever meet ha ha

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by Incurable

Speaking of parenting skills... I have the ultimate respect for my grandmother in that department. She was the perfect model of 'firm but fair'. My mother, I could 'work' all day long, not so with gram. If you had chores to do, you flat did them before you went out and played. If you tried to argue the point, she was incontrovertible. She would firmly explain that EVERYBODY has chores to do and I was no different. The longer I sat there and tried to argue the point, the longer it would be before I could go see my friends. Somehow, at the end of things, not only did I do the work but felt like a fool for arguing them in the first place. I never once felt she was mean or cruel, just unarguably practical and... well, RIGHT. Gram wasn't always the most popular person throughout her life but her strength and conviction was an inspiration and served as a role model for me. Born in 1905 and a product of her era (depression, etc.) she was a jewel. I miss her often but I think part of her lives on in me. Compared to today's PC parenting stuff, hers was old-world and based on reality, not this foo-foo crap I see today. Love doesn't mean spoiling your kids, in fact quite the opposite. Character doesn't grow on trees, you earn it. Anyways.. don't get me going on the parenting skills thing. I'm not one but I see it every day at the grocery stores, in people's homes etc. I was in the store the other day and a young mother was admonishing her son (maybe 4-5) by telling him,"You're exhibiting inappropriate behavior!!...", WTH??? Someone's been reading too many books...

A wise friend once told me - before I had kids - that most of the time when you see a kid have a meltdown in the grocery store or restaurant, it's because the kid is tired, hungry, been dragged around shopping too many places, or been fed junk food so he feels lousy, or a combo of any or all of the above. I found that if the kids' basic needs are met - well rested, healthy snacks on hand, water to drink, and a friendly, patient mom who knows her own limits as well as her kids', outings are for the most part very bearable, if not pleasant. Key is also not to try and accomplish too much like you could before kids! That being said, I have on one or two occasions had to carry a kicking a screaming child out of Target, but truly this happened no more than that - and this is with three kids.

What really gets me riled is to see some hog of a mom hitting and yanking her kid around and yelling at him, just because she is bound and determined to try on clothes or whatever and the kid is worn out...

Good parenting starts at birth - if you're in tune with your kid from that moment on, and you understand what makes them tick, discipline sort of falls into place. It did with me. I rarely raise my voice to my kids, and I am not a "spanking mom." I don't have to be. Anyone who has met my kids comments on how pleasant and polite they are. No doubt a certain amount of luck comes into play, and I've definitely been lucky that my children are turning out to be good people. However, I can't discount the amount of time I've invested in them, either.

[Incurable]

I see far too many parents talking AT their kids, not WITH them. There's a subtle difference. I understand that being around them 24/7 takes its toll but... never loose sight of that important difference.

[mailman]

Originally Posted by Lisa

However, I can't discount the amount of time I've invested in them, either.

That speaks volumes about you Lisa

It's something alot of kids don't have the luxury of having these days either. As a result, they don't have a shot from the word go.

Your kids will thank you for all of the time you spend with them one day. My mom stayed home with us and we only had one car at the time and my father took it to work. Mom had the car one day to do the shopping and errands. My father needed the car because he was working three jobs and had to go from one to the other.

But, to this day I remember things from those times spent with my mom that made me a better person to this day.

[Rockrolex]

Originally Posted by Incurable

I see far too many parents talking AT their kids, not WITH them. There's a subtle difference. I understand that being around them 24/7 takes its toll but... never loose sight of that important difference.

You are absolutely right, Pat. One thing we did with our kids was to talk to and with them, not at or down to them. As a result, they both grew up to be pretty good people, ones who could hold a conversation and were polite to others. We didn't indulge our kids (no pacman or any other computer games while they were growing up). They were disciplined when necessary - I believe they both got spanked once or twice. Today, they're well adjusted, married and starting families of their own.

[Carolina]

Originally Posted by mailman

That speaks volumes about you Lisa

It's something alot of kids don't have the luxury of having these days either. As a result, they don't have a shot from the word go.

Your kids will thank you for all of the time you spend with them one day. My mom stayed home with us and we only had one car at the time and my father took it to work. Mom had the car one day to do the shopping and errands. My father needed the car because he was working three jobs and had to go from one to the other.

But, to this day I remember things from those times spent with my mom that made me a better person to this day.

It's comments like the above that make me feel staying home with my kiddos is worth the other sacrifices it involves at times. I'm blessed that I have the opportunity to do so, and I hope my two feel the same when they look back on their childhood.

[Lisa]

Guys, my husband came home for a couple of hours with a break in his cases today... told me one of his colleagues, a plastic surgeon, lost his wife Saturday. He awoke to find her, dead, on the bedroom floor. She was 35 and they had two sons, ages 4 and 9 months. Her older boy is in my daughter's preschool class. How do you tell your daughter her little friend's mom just died?

He just finished his residency last year and you'd think they both had the world by the tail. Guess they did, until Saturday.

She was scheduled to have a cardiac stress test last week but canceled due to babysitter problems.

My husband is more than rattled today. I hugged him and said, "Don't worry about me. I'm planning to stick around and make you miserable until you're ninety years old."

[Carolina]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Guys, my husband came home for a couple of hours with a break in his cases today... told me one of his colleagues, a plastic surgeon, lost his wife Saturday. He awoke to find her, dead, on the bedroom floor. She was 35 and they had two sons, ages 4 and 9 months. Her older boy is in my daughter's preschool class. How do you tell your daughter her little friend's mom just died?

He just finished his residency last year and you'd think they both had the world by the tail. Guess they did, until Saturday.

She was scheduled to have a cardiac stress test last week but canceled due to babysitter problems.

My husband is more than rattled today. I hugged him and said, "Don't worry about me. I'm planning to stick around and make you miserable until you're ninety years old."

That's awful. Why was she going in for a stress test? I would think 35 is a bit young for that to be a routine thing! Just awful...

[Lisa]

I think she had been having some symptoms - tightness in her chest, history of a heart murmur. I don't know much else. Thursday I was parked behind her in the carpool line waiting to get our kids from school. She was getting her 9 month old adjusted in his car seat... the worst part is that baby and little boy suddenly without a mom.

[mailman]

Something like this happened here a week before Christmas. There was a local attorney who had hypertension and for whatever reason, stopped taking his medicine for it. He collapsed on the courtroom floor and died as a result of an aneurysm.

He was freinds with my BIL and the two of them were out the previous Fri night. The guy was complaining of headaches.

My question is why would he just stop taking it, then if he was getting headaches, why not start it up again?

He left behind three children and they buried him on Christmas Eve. How did his ex have to explain that to her kids?

[Carolina]

Originally Posted by Lisa

I think she had been having some symptoms - tightness in her chest, history of a heart murmur. I don't know much else. Thursday I was parked behind her in the carpool line waiting to get our kids from school. She was getting her 9 month old adjusted in his car seat... the worst part is that baby and little boy suddenly without a mom.

I can't begin to imagine. My heart goes out to that family.

[away36]

Originally Posted by Lisa

A wise friend once told me - before I had kids - that most of the time when you see a kid have a meltdown in the grocery store or restaurant, it's because the kid is tired, hungry, been dragged around shopping too many places, or been fed junk food so he feels lousy, or a combo of any or all of the above. I found that if the kids' basic needs are met - well rested, healthy snacks on hand, water to drink, and a friendly, patient mom who knows her own limits as well as her kids', outings are for the most part very bearable, if not pleasant. Key is also not to try and accomplish too much like you could before kids! That being said, I have on one or two occasions had to carry a kicking a screaming child out of Target, but truly this happened no more than that - and this is with three kids.

What really gets me riled is to see some hog of a mom hitting and yanking her kid around and yelling at him, just because she is bound and determined to try on clothes or whatever and the kid is worn out...

Good parenting starts at birth - if you're in tune with your kid from that moment on, and you understand what makes them tick, discipline sort of falls into place. It did with me. I rarely raise my voice to my kids, and I am not a "spanking mom." I don't have to be. Anyone who has met my kids comments on how pleasant and polite they are. No doubt a certain amount of luck comes into play, and I've definitely been lucky that my children are turning out to be good people. However, I can't discount the amount of time I've invested in them, either.

Lisa, I absolutely loved this post. I think I've read it five times today. I even cut and pasted the message into an e-mail to one of my daughters-in-law, because it was like listening to HER talking. I hear these same things from her over and over. What a wonderful wonderful mother you are. You can't hear it....but imagine it.....I'm applauding your parenting skills!!!

[away36]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Guys, my husband came home for a couple of hours with a break in his cases today... told me one of his colleagues, a plastic surgeon, lost his wife Saturday. He awoke to find her, dead, on the bedroom floor. She was 35 and they had two sons, ages 4 and 9 months. Her older boy is in my daughter's preschool class. How do you tell your daughter her little friend's mom just died?

That's a really tough one. Young children immediately start worrying that it
could happen to THEIR mother.

How awful for that man. It's unimaginable.

[away36]

Originally Posted by Carolina

That's awful. Why was she going in for a stress test? I would think 35 is a bit young for that to be a routine thing! Just awful...

Three years ago my youngest son, at the age of 27, started having chest pain quite frequently. He never said anything about it to me, but thank God he had enough common sense to see the doctor and was sent to a cardiac specialist. End result....he had open heart surgery and they had to give him a mechanical aortic valve. He will be on blood thinners for the rest of his life, but considering the alternative, he's quite happy with that small inconvenience.

[Carolina]

Originally Posted by away36

Three years ago my youngest son, at the age of 27, started having chest pain quite frequently. He never said anything about it to me, but thank God he had enough common sense to see the doctor and was sent to a cardiac specialist. End result....he had open heart surgery and they had to give him a mechanical aortic valve. He will be on blood thinners for the rest of his life, but considering the alternative, he's quite happy with that small inconvenience.

Eeek! Glad he's OK!

[Lisa]

Nancy, that sounds exactly like what my sister went through. She had aortic stenosis that gradually worsened until she had to have a valve replacement as well. She was able to keep going until age 49, but she was diagnosed as a little kid and had her first open heart surgery when she was 15. Like your son, she'll be on blood thinner (Coumadin?) for the rest of her life. However, in the weeks prior to her surgery she began having numbness in her arms and could scarcely walk to the mailbox without becoming winded and exhausted. She now says she's never felt better. Have you listened to your son's "click" heartbeat? It's fascinating - that mechanical valve working away.

[Carolina]

Rather useless observation:

Dark chocolate covered espresso beans are tasty, but will keep you awake and zinging when eaten at 11:30 pm. Ask me how I know!

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by Carolina

Rather useless observation:

Dark chocolate covered espresso beans are tasty, but will keep you awake and zinging when eaten at 11:30 pm. Ask me how I know!

So... you haven't been to bed since then?
June ate one of those one afternoon. Just one. She was still up at 2am, happy as a clam. Definitely should have had a few along with her, for I was not nearly so happy.

[Carolina]

Originally Posted by Lisa

So... you haven't been to bed since then?
June ate one of those one afternoon. Just one. She was still up at 2am, happy as a clam. Definitely should have had a few along with her, for I was not nearly so happy.

No, but I just ate a few more, and now I want to sprint the 3 miles it takes to get to the children's school. Must find another way to get my chocolate fix!!

Oooh, 4 yr olds and major caffeine do NOT play well together. Happy June, poor mommy!!

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by away36

Lisa, I absolutely loved this post. I think I've read it five times today. I even cut and pasted the message into an e-mail to one of my daughters-in-law, because it was like listening to HER talking. I hear these same things from her over and over. What a wonderful wonderful mother you are. You can't hear it....but imagine it.....I'm applauding your parenting skills!!!

Oh, Nancy, thank you. Coming from a pro like yourself, that's especially nice to hear.

[away36]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Nancy, that sounds exactly like what my sister went through.

Like your son, she'll be on blood thinner (Coumadin?) for the rest of her life.

Have you listened to your son's "click" heartbeat? It's fascinating - that mechanical valve working away.

I'm so glad your sister is doing well now! Yes....it's Coumadin Andrew is on also. Yes....the mechanical "click" is wild!......and definitely comforting to hear. Waiting through that surgery was brutal.

[mailman]

Originally Posted by Carolina

Rather useless observation:

Dark chocolate covered espresso beans are tasty, but will keep you awake and zinging when eaten at 11:30 pm. Ask me how I know!

I love those Carolina