Can you remove yourself from an estate or inheritance?

[East Bay Rider]

He may just be tormenting you and then plans to hurt you again by not leaving you anything following his death after all. Thumbing his nose at you from beyond. The final FU.
Personally I think you should take every penny and if so desired, spend some foolishly and donate the rest to a good cause that he would hate. Spend spitefully. That's the best revenge. Empower his enemies using his money. Whatever you choose, it probably won't make you happy, but giving him the FU now will likely be less satisfying.

[Moondoggy]

Originally Posted by rootbeer7

Do nothing. Ignore and move on. You’ve made your sentiments clear. If he does indeed include you in the inheritance (he may not) make the decision then. If it could change your life then bloody well take it and do some good. If it won’t change your life but could do good elsewhere then use it. If it will do neither then spend it on your immediate family making happy memories to last forever.

This^^^^^ my experience is you can play cat and mouse games however nothing changes, I think you are taking the bait which often gives others a rise.

Life is short, imo let it be and move on.

[RichardBartlett]

Put it in a trust fund for your kids to piss up the wall when they are older

Cutting your nose off to spite your face isn't a good look. He maybe the nastiest man born but that's his problem but you want to make it yours..And grandstand it

Neither of you are going to change opinion but you want that to affect others

Man up and move on

Just my 2c

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[77T]

Disclaiming an inheritance is when a potential heir gives up their right to receive assets or property that have been left to them.

You can't preemptively block your name from being in the will - you don't have a right to control your father's bequest until it is actually triggered by his death. The law has no prophylactic clause. The decision is filed once an heir has standing in the probate court case but before the heir takes possession of the inheritance, and there is no option to reverse it. You may wonder why? Because jurisdiction isn't triggered until the executor begins the proceeding. Who knows where you, your brother, or your deceased father will be at the time of his death. Probate is State-specific.

Presuming Florida - read more:
http://www.leg.state.fl.us/statutes/...0739/0739.html

Or get a probate legal expert.

Shifting gears...and please take this as non-confrontational...

As many have said - you should ask yourself why attracting attention to this schism with your father here on TRF is necessary when all it takes is 60 seconds on Google to find an answer.

Weaponizing a probate court filing just to aggravate an already hostile relationship is where this thread puzzles many of us. Seriously, I hope you get the apology you want and that mutual respect and understanding can result for all your family.
All?
Families (to me) are like an Alexander Calder mobile installation.

Jangle one small part and there are jangles to varying degrees in other parts. Brother, spouses, cousins, uncles, aunts, children, grandchildren - all parts are affected.

All said in the spirit of community and communication.


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[Brenngun]

Originally Posted by 77T

The decision is filed once an heir has standing in the probate court case but before the heir takes possession of the inheritance, and there is no option to reverse it.

Sounds like you can at least have a lawyer send him a letter now telling him that this paper will be filed the minute he dies which will keep you from having to deal with any of it in any way. Only question is ...... what if he names you as the executor?

Good luck.

[MrGoat]

Originally Posted by 77T

Disclaiming an inheritance is when a potential heir gives up their right to receive assets or property that have been left to them.

You can't preemptively block your name from being in the will - you don't have a right to control your father's bequest until it is actually triggered by his death. The law has no prophylactic clause. The decision is filed once an heir has standing in the probate court case but before the heir takes possession of the inheritance, and there is no option to reverse it. You may wonder why? Because jurisdiction isn't triggered until the executor begins the proceeding. Who knows where you, your brother, or your deceased father will be at the time of his death. Probate is State-specific.

Presuming Florida - read more:
http://www.leg.state.fl.us/statutes/...0739/0739.html

Or get a probate legal expert.

Shifting gears...and please take this as non-confrontational...

As many have said - you should ask yourself why attracting attention to this schism with your father here on TRF is necessary when all it takes is 60 seconds on Google to find an answer.

Weaponizing a probate court filing just to aggravate an already hostile relationship is where this thread puzzles many of us. Seriously, I hope you get the apology you want and that mutual respect and understanding can result for all your family.
All?
Families (to me) are like an Alexander Calder mobile installation.

Jangle one small part and there are jangles to varying degrees in other parts. Brother, spouses, cousins, uncles, aunts, children, grandchildren - all parts are affected.

All said in the spirit of community and communication.


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No offense taken Paul. I always appreciate your comments. Thank you for taking the time to give me a very well thought out and poignant response.

I started the thread for two reasons.

1. To have discourse on TRF open discussion beyond “the musical chain game” or the like.

2. I value personal opinions and experiences much more than an AI prompt that google provides or a soulless web page with a bunch of legal jargon that’s above my rate. To expand on that, my intent was to possibly hear from someone that’s done it. Did they regret it in the long run? TRF is so much better than google, here you have a consortium of very bright, accomplished people each with their own slightly different take and viewpoint, to me that is invaluable.

I did not intend to get into the dirty laundry of my relationship with my father. Because reconciling with him or just moving forward was such a prevalent response and a few beers, I decided to state my reasoning why that is out of the question. I can over share sometimes and that’s just me, but I can see it has turned quite a few off on here and for that I regret it and apologize.

Trying to look introspectively maybe I subconsciously needed to hear what everyone here said about moving forward. I may not have wanted to hear it but I believe it was constructive and beneficial.


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[77T]

Check your PMs

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[Blansky]

I always remember the adage to "not let anyone live in your head, rent free.

[colpol]

Personally - this is just me - I wouldn’t give him a second thought again until you get the call that he’s gone whenever that may be.

He may or may not leave you anything

If he does or does not / deal with it at the time.

Let it go & deal with the cash issue as it arises. Might be a charity close to your heart/ trust fund for your children/ a Comex submariner / or withdraw the lot, set it on fire & light a cigar with the last note :.)

[Maleg]

Originally Posted by Blansky

I always remember the adage to "not let anyone live in your head, rent free.

Excellent advice, succinctly given.

[austinp]

Forgive him. He was likely abused by his parents. Let it go and end the cycle. Forgiving him is actually a gift to yourself. Looking him in the face and saying “I forgive you” is in my mind the most powerful thing you could ever do. Don’t care at all about his response and don’t let him back in your life if you don’t want.


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[Easy E]

Originally Posted by austinp

Forgive him. He was likely abused by his parents. Let it go and end the cycle. Forgiving him is actually a gift to yourself. Looking him in the face and saying “I forgive you” is in my mind the most powerful thing you could ever do. Don’t care at all about his response and don’t let him back in your life if you don’t want.


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100% This. No strings. Don't expect an apology, don't expect anything. Find a way to do it. This doesn't mean you two become instant besties. Just find a way to be sincere in it. He is damaged and likely, to this day, doesn't have a way to deal with it, so it comes out in perpetual dysfunction on/to you. Free him, free yourself.

[Shmoopy]

My thoughts as a tax attorney who has seen dozens of families deal with death, inheritance and family issues.

To start with, I wouldn't do anything. I don't know FL law, but I would be surprised if you even had the ability to do anything. He may have already honored your requests and cut you out, despite whatever he is telling you. If he's a bad guy and knows how much this bothers you, he could very easily just be doing this to antagonize you. But, more often than not I see a look of surprise on peoples faces when they are faced with reality versus their expected inheritance, especially when there is family drama.

Why get so worked up over something that doesn't even matter or take effect until death? He may burn through that money due to health issues etc etc etc. If you are interested in self-insuring, then I am guessing you are not the type that likes to pay legal fees unless necessary. It sounds like you have already made your requests to him quite clear, so just let it be.

When the time comes, if he does leave you anything, then hire someone in Florida to assist to disclaim, shouldn't cost much.

Say what you want, but my experience in these type of cases is that the person takes the money EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.

When you are faced with a letter from an executor/trustee asking you to sign off on a document that spells out you are giving away $628,000 or whatever it appreciates to, everyone suddenly changes. "Well, I really don't want the money, but I've been advised by counsel to accept..." "My wife will kill me if I don't accept" or whatever the reasoning.

This is not a dig at you, just something I've seen play out over and over again throughout the years. Best of luck to you with whatever you decide.

[Boopie]

I doubt you have any say in someone else’s estate planning before their death. He can do what he wants with his $.

Agreed with others as to don’t give him free rent in your mind. You don’t even need to forgive him. Let’s just say I can relate to you.

Maybe he is manipulating you. Maybe, like the craziest of parents, he will never stop loving you, and giving you something is his way of making it all up to you. Or, maybe he is just messing with you trying to create an expectation in your head, and he’s not leaving anything to you. Just let it go.

You don’t know what crap he is going to create at the time of his death. Maybe has has no funeral arrangements, or has a reverse mortgage that requires an immediate sale of the house. Just give his $ to your brother, so he doesn’t have to spend any of his own $ in case your dad didn’t make any funeral plans, has to make some mortgage payments on your dad’s house pending sale, etc. If you get a check, give it to your favorite charity. There are so many worthy charities for sick children, e.g. Shriner’s, Smile Train, St. Jude Children’s Hospital, etc. That way, in a cosmic sense you can be the better man, and can use his money to actually help children in need.

[hambone1983]

It doesn't sound like whatever message you want to deliver will be received the way you'd like, and it definitely doesn't sound like he is going repentant or care to make amends. If there's a better option than letting it go I don't know what it is. Whatever you decide, I hope it gives you peace.

[JasoninDenver]

Your father is probably doing this for one of two reasons: (1) either to piss you off and continue the toxic nature, or (2) because he cannot admit or does not know how to say that he screwed up and this is the only way he knows how. Neither matter unless he meets your needs for an apology.

However, I really think you should look at the opportunities here. Like others have said, you can use this money, if there actually ever is any, to dramatically impact people who need it. Home modifications for vets, support for animals, help for abused children.

From the little I have heard about you from your posts, you care for other people. Possibly consider this as a chance to give others what your father could not give you.

[DLRIDES]

Originally Posted by hambone1983

It doesn't sound like whatever message you want to deliver will be received the way you'd like, and it definitely doesn't sound like he is going repentant or care to make amends. If there's a better option than letting it go I don't know what it is. Whatever you decide, I hope it gives you peace.

/\ THIS /\

Let it go and move on …………..

[vipereaper30]

Take the inheritance and set it aside fully invested as your payment account for all forms of insurance (but primarily auto). Don't use it for anything else.

Let your troubles escape your mind and focus on more productive things.

Send me a 10% consultation fee for this initial, and feel free to check in with me anytime to talk you through things if you find yourself thinking of your controlling father or exorbitant insurance fees.

Cheers!

[1st amg]

How about you try to think of the 400K as a payment for all the BS and ill will he has put you through? Just ignore him, when he is no longer around, you may feel relief finally and have some definite closure. Use the 400k as your reward. I am sure he knows that he has not won anything over you. He is not apologizing, but this 400k is his way of saying sorry that I ruined your life. He sounds like that type of person.

[brandrea]

Originally Posted by 1st amg

How about you try to think of the 400K as a payment for all the BS and ill will he has put you through? Just ignore him, when he is no longer around, you may feel relief finally and have some definite closure. Use the 400k as your reward. I am sure he knows that he has not won anything over you. He is not apologizing, but this 400k is his way of saying sorry that I ruined your life. He sounds like that type of person.

I like your line of thinking

[brandrea]

Originally Posted by Blansky

I always remember the adage to "not let anyone live in your head, rent free.

And yours too

[TRS1]

Forgiveness is powerful.

[Casey VP-26]

Why not use all this energy and see if you can't work out your differences. Good Luck

[Calatrava r]

I believe most states allow for a rejection of an inheritance in which case the portion rejected passes to the remaining heirs under the residuary portion of the estate. You need to consult your local attorney on this.

[VictorGMT]

Originally Posted by 77T

All said in the spirit of community and communication.

Some good stuff for all of us.