Suicide bombers

[idk01]

Suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on
Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the
afterlife.
Emergency talks have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest
began last Tuesday when it was announced that the number of virgins a
suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% next
January from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in
recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage
of virgins in the afterlife. The suicide bombers' union, the British
Organisation of
Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was
unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action.
General secretary Mahatma Koat told the press,
"Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of
jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this by
management is a kick in the teeth."
Mr Koat accepted the lim ited availability of virgins but pointed out that
the cutbacks were expected to be borne entirely by the workforce and not by
management. "Last Christmas Aba Hambone alone was awarded an annual bonus
of 250,000 virgins," complains Mahatma. "And you can be sure they'll all
be pretty ones too. How can we afford that for members of the management
but not 72 for the people who do the real work?" Speaking from the shed in
the West Midlands where he currently resides, Chief executive Anotha bin
Liner explained, "We sympathise with our workers' concerns but we are
simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not
accepting the realities of modern-day jihad, in a competitive marketplace.
Thanks to
Western depravity,
there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a
straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I
don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff
that they won't be able to blow themselves up." He defended management
bonuse s by claiming these were necessar y to attract good fanatical
clerics. "How am I supposed to attract the best people if I can't compete
with thallocation quotas. One virgin, who refused to be named, was quoted
as saying "I'll be buggered if I'm agreeing to anything like
that........it's too much of a mouthful to swallow". Unless some sort of
agreement is reached over the weekend,
suicide bombers will down explosives at midday on Monday. Most branches are
supporting the strike. Only the North London branch, which has a different
union,
is likely to continue working. However, some members of that branch will
only be using waist-down explosives in order to express solidarity with
their striking brethren.e private sector?"
asked Mr. Bin Liner. Talks broke down this morning after management's
last-ditch proposal of a virgin-sharing scheme was rejected outright after
a failure to agree on orifice

[ParisDakarBmw]

Right on Dave! I needed a good chuckle before bed. That was funny as hell!

[JJ Irani]