Wisdom in Phrases - Quotes from which the guilty mouths are named.

[mcjp6]

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should
have remained a virgin...'
Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased
to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine
against a wall.'
Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have
since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..
Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
and to have the two as close together as possible
George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get
a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops
to breathe.
Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.
Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant
form of misery.
Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my
nap
Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..
W. C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
through Congress.
Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid
you.
Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty... But everything else starts to
wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
anywhere.
Billy Crystal

From Winston Churchill,
A man asks a woman in a bar if she would sleep with him for $1 million. "Of
course" she blushingly replies. Then he asks if she would for $5. Angrily
she snaps "NO! What kind of woman do you think I am?" The man replies
"Madam, we have already established that. Now we are merely negotiating the price".

And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good, spit it out.

[MonBK]

:)

[Art 1]

[TSW]

:)

[Chipmunk]

[limbo]

[toph]

good stuff!

[SWIMPRUF]

[FeelingTheBlues]

Great quotes! Thank you!