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JJ Irani · 23 October 2006, 04:28 PM

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?" She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid."

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When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.
No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea." Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."

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An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . please advise." The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."

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A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket . They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"

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When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.

I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m." I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" She said, "I can't remember where I live!"

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Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

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THE SENILITY PRAYER
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

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mike · 23 October 2006, 06:18 PM

mailman · 23 October 2006, 06:37 PM

padi56 · 23 October 2006, 07:02 PM

Your sister has a fine sense of humour JJ,

Earl · 23 October 2006, 07:12 PM

cute JJ your sister has a great sense of humour!

mailman · 24 October 2006, 08:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by padi56

Your sister has a fine sense of humour JJ,

She has to Padi. Look who she had the misfortune of having for an older brother

Prince · 24 October 2006, 08:19 AM

Exxxxcellent!!!

Tell you sister to keep 'em coming, JJ...

C.J. · 24 October 2006, 09:05 AM

JJ Irani · 24 October 2006, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mailman

She has to Padi. Look who she had the misfortune of having for an older brother

Correction, pal: Nina happens to be almost FIVE years OLDER to me!!

mailman · 24 October 2006, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJ Irani

Correction, pal: Nina happens to be almost FIVE years OLDER to me!!

She doesn't look it.

JJ Irani · 25 October 2006, 03:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mailman

She doesn't look it.

You think so?

Here's a pic of Nina and me taken just about last year at this time!!

mailman · 25 October 2006, 06:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJ Irani

You think so?

Here's a pic of Nina and me taken just about last year at this time!!

Yes you do look older

Where's the one of her by herself?

Prince · 25 October 2006, 09:19 AM

is that a Rolex on your sister's wrist, JJ.

JJ Irani · 25 October 2006, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prince

is that a Rolex on your sister's wrist, JJ.

Yes, this one. She picked it up from Mansor's last October when she was here!! She's really enjoying it to the fullest!!

JJ Irani · 25 October 2006, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mailman

Yes you do look older

Where's the one of her by herself?

Can't find that one....but how do you like this one, tosser?

mailman · 25 October 2006, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJ Irani

Can't find that one....but how do you like this one, tosser?

Well Zemina and Nina look good.

Just one question, how did you manage to get yourself dressed as a man and woman in the same pic?

I mean that is you in drag in the black sweater isn't it?

Otis · 25 October 2006, 07:48 PM

At this whole thread

Rockrolex · 25 October 2006, 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mailman

Well Zemina and Nina look good.

Just one question, how did you manage to get yourself dressed as a man and woman in the same pic?

I mean that is you in drag in the black sweater isn't it?

It's an old trick. He shot a double exposure. The problem was getting Zemina to hold that pose while he did a quick change and repositioned himself.

23 October 2006, 04:28 PM	#1
JJ Irani Fondly Remembered Join Date: May 2005 Real Name: JJ Location: Auckland, NZ Watch: ALL SOLD!! Posts: 74,317	A few my sister sent me... Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea." Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . please advise." The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket . They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee." I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon. I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m." I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" She said, "I can't remember where I live!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE SENILITY PRAYER Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- __________________ Words fail me in expressing my utmost thanks to ALL of you for this wonderful support during my hour of need!! I firmly believe that my time on planet earth is NOT yet up!! I shall fight this to the very end.......and WIN!!

23 October 2006, 06:37 PM	#3
mailman TRF Moderator & 2025 Titanium Yacht-Master Patron Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: . Watch: BLNR Posts: 35,568	__________________ JJ

23 October 2006, 07:02 PM	#4
padi56 "TRF" Life Patron Join Date: Jun 2005 Real Name: Peter Location: Llanfairpwllgwyng Watch: ing you. Posts: 53,248	Your sister has a fine sense of humour JJ, __________________ ICom Pro3 All posts are my own opinion and my opinion only. "The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop. Now is the only time you actually own the time, Place no faith in time, for the clock may soon be still for ever." Good Judgement comes from experience,experience comes from Bad Judgement,.Buy quality, cry once; buy cheap, cry again and again. www.mc0yad.club Second in command CEO and left handed watch winder

24 October 2006, 08:19 AM	#7
Prince "TRF" Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Real Name: Allan Location: St. Augustine, FL Watch: Daytona/Sub/GMT/DJ Posts: 20,323	Exxxxcellent!!! Tell you sister to keep 'em coming, JJ... __________________ Member: Rolex Keeper's Society "You see, you can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself." - Rick Nelson

24 October 2006, 09:05 AM	#8
C.J. "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: * Posts: 10,196	__________________ Me? I'm still looking for Kokomo. I just hope that damn golfer isn't there

23 October 2006, 06:18 PM	#2
mike "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 22,682

23 October 2006, 07:12 PM	#5
Earl "TRF" Member Join Date: May 2005 Real Name: Who Me? Location: Northern Virginia Watch: out Posts: 4,615	cute JJ your sister has a great sense of humour!

25 October 2006, 09:19 AM	#13
Prince "TRF" Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Real Name: Allan Location: St. Augustine, FL Watch: Daytona/Sub/GMT/DJ Posts: 20,323	is that a Rolex on your sister's wrist, JJ. __________________ Member: Rolex Keeper's Society "You see, you can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself." - Rick Nelson

25 October 2006, 07:48 PM	#17
Otis "TRF" Member Join Date: May 2006 Real Name: Urs Location: QLD AU Watch: Omega x 2 Posts: 2,046	At this whole thread __________________ Rock the Casbah!

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